Waiting for Consciousness

Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Montevideo, Montevideo, Uruguay
"Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious." - Carl Jung

The last few days have been decidedly darker . After our little incident with the man in the street, I have been more nervous than ever before to travel and explore. I'm actually surprised by how much it has shaken my confidence. I also came down with the cold that's circulating the Academia - a very sore throat and ear ache. I am just now surfacing and am beginning to feel like myself again. On top of all of this, I also continue to feel pretty lonely after the departure of so many good people. 

This is common, I know, to feel empty and adrift in the beginnings of any adventure. No matter if you're in a foreign country or in a new city or simply starting a new job! In the wise words of my father, it takes 90 days to make anything feel familiar. This is both comforting and daunting as I have no idea if I'll be here for more than 90 days. Just as I finally get acclimated, I may very well be making yet another change. It's overwhelming. 

I have yet to find any leads on jobs within Uruguay . There are plenty in Chile and in Brazil, and of course Asia, but I don't want to uproot myself just yet to jet off to another location. First and foremost, I knew in my heart that I wanted to be in Uruguay. I'm not really sure why, I just knew. So I still have faith that an opportunity will arise here - whether that opportunity will eventually take me to another country or location, time will tell, but I think it will originate in Montevideo. Here's hoping my intuition is tuned to the right station! 

Aside from loneliness and illness, the last few days have been more or less pleasant. I feel very comfortable and at home at the Academia - I love my little room and my routine here. As I mentioned before I have my grocery store, my laundry, a few cafes that I really like... and best of all I am thoroughly enjoying my classes. I got bumped up to level three, and finally feel challenged. I have a fantastic teacher, Gaston, who makes learning fun and enjoyable. I am not only learning Spanish, but about Uruguayan life and culture. 

The hardest thing for me so far is not having a sense of purpose. Maybe this is my challenge - learning to let go and just be. All will be as it should be, and I am blessed to have a bubble of time that I don't have to do anything except enjoy being young and free. I need to shake that "American" need to DO something. Every night I try to remind myself of this, but try as I might I can't help but worry about my future and what I should be doing.

I equate this to what Jung illustrates with the above quote. Right now I'm simply imagining figures of light; blips of a future that could be. Eventually these will fade, and the overall picture (or darkness) will become conscious for me. Slowly my purpose will unveil itself when the universe is ready for me to understand it. Patience and faith!!!  
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Comments

Betty Graham
2012-08-03

Hang in there, Caitlin,\. We are all routing for you. I really enjoy your comments. Your comments have the making of a book.

Fondly, Betty Graham

2025-02-06

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