Extenuating Expectations

Monday, October 01, 2012
Palermo Hollywood, Buenos Aires F.D., Argentina
"A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one." - Rita Mae Brown

My best friend in the whole wide world has just departed from an amazing 10-day visit . Introducing him to South America was so much fun and it was interesting to see Argentina through his eyes. As much as I love South America, Tyler loves China. Ever since we were kids he's always been fascinated with their culture. He studied abroad in Beijing and is currently in the process of being transferred there. This made for many interesting conversations comparing the two cultures, languages, cities and people. Tyler is a consultant for PWC, and is an incredibly efficient (and clearly intelligent) man. Watching him navigate the boundless inefficiencies that exist here was extremely entertaining. Being here nearly three months, and living in South America off and on over the last four years, I've adjusted to many of these inefficient practices like timing, organization, and customer service. Tyler often switched to consultant mode and came up with many solutions for how to make things better - be it the bus system, event organization, overall traffic flow, or simple customer service. I loved hearing his solutions; he's right, of course . But what I made him realize is that the biggest difference between the Chinese and Latin cultures is that people here are content with how things are. Things just work on a slower time table here. Buenos Aires will never work the way Tyler would like it to. In order to live here, you simply have to dissolve your past expectations of how things should work.

I have met many expats throughout my travels and I have a deep respect for them. I'm not entirely sure how they do it - giving up everything that they've known, everything that's comfortable, their family and friends. I have realized that I don't think I can do that. I'd often thought about it; at the beginning of this journey I had an inkling that I might not be coming home. I've surprisingly realized that I don't think I could become an expatriate - at least not to live in South America. This realization is a bit shocking, as I've always wanted to live here. Visiting Brazil for extended periods of time and seeing Argentina and Uruguay last year, I've cultivated a deep love for this continent . I had always wanted to move to Brazil during my marriage, and my husband never felt the same way. I now have a better understanding why. Life is simply harder here. Work is hard to find, a decent salary is the stuff of legends. Doing your weekend errands can be a day-long excursion as Target doesn't exist. Supermarkets are few and far between. Public transportation here is dependable, but too many depend on it. To traverse the city takes at least an hour, sometimes three. I have become accustomed to how life works here, but I am not sure I could ever fully embrace it. 

That being said, a big part of me wants to stay here. Buenos Aires is so very lovely. Inefficiencies aside, this is a wonderful city full of history and culture. I want to be the girl who speaks Spanish like a local, which would take some time. A few of my friends here made me realize that you're never done learning a language. There's always going to be the next level that you're striving for. I can always study in the US, but there's something so much better about living in the place where the language swirls around you like leaves blown in the wind . You pick up the slang, you learn how to cuss, and you decipher the nuances of pronunciation. You don't get that in a classroom.   

So now comes the time of decisions. I have actually had several job interviews here, two with a local travel agency looking for someone to work as a liaison between their three offices and to cultivate relationships with hostels and hotels in the area. It's a very cool job (muy copado!), but they want to pay me $100 (US) a week. Yes, you read that correctly. Clearly, this is not a sustainable option. Over that last week we've been negotiating. As you can guess, this takes twice as long as it would in the US. It could be November before they actually make a decision. 

In this waiting period I've been making myself ill trying to decide what to do. It feels like on an hourly basis my mind changes between go or stay. If I leave I feel as though I haven't really completed what I had originally set out to do - work and live abroad . If I stay, I may not find a sustainable job and will therefore dwindle what little is left of my savings, but I will continue working on my language skills. It's maddening, really. My mother offered up a sound piece of advice - have lower expectations. As Eric Weiner, author of "Geography of Bliss," states: "happiness equals reality minus expectations." This makes everything clearer for me. I expected BIG things to happen after taking a giant leap off the sane platform and moving here. That hasn't happened, and honestly, I feel a bit of a failure.

This idea of lowering expectations has helped me dissect the immense weight I was putting into this decision. My expectations were incredibly high, and in that, I unintentionally set myself up to fail. Lowering my expectations allows me to see that this trip has not been what I expected, but that I have had such an amazing, extraordinary adventure. I've made so many wonderful friends. I've strengthened my language skills. I can navigate three South American cities like a champ. I'm sure the lessons will continue to unveil themselves even as I am back in the States. These things tend to unravel over time - a ball of emotions, ideas, experiences... slowly they untangle themselves with a little time, space, and reflection. 

What a wild ride this has been, and it's not over yet! Monday I leave for a week long trip to Mendoza, Santiago and Valapraiso. One last adventure. I changed my ticket today, and will arrive back to the familiar comforts of the United States October 23rd. That Rita Mae knew what she was talking about, as peace has assuredly arrived. 
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