"Travel does what good novelists also do to the life of everyday, placing it like a picture in a frame or a gem in its setting, so that the intrinsic qualities are made more clear. Travel does this with the very stuff that everyday life is made of, giving to it the sharp contour and meaning of art." - Freya Stark
Comparable to "real" life, the last few weeks have been so full of things to do and people to see and lists to check off that blogging fell to the wayside
. It's only now, as I sit in my parent's house in my old room that I am able to take a breath and reflect on the last few weeks of my glorious adventure.
I couldn't have asked for a more fulfilling journey. There were plenty of ups and downs, and unexpected twists and turns, but this pause in life has served me well in a variety of ways. As I mentioned in my last entry, I am sure that many of these gems remain unnoticed and dormant, waiting to surprise me in a future moment of clarity, but even now I am able to notice subtle changes in myself that are a result of the last few months abroad.
Travel does indeed take regular, everyday moments and situations and turn them into intense vignettes that remain with you for the rest of your life. Small, insignificant things that would go unnoticed in the everyday become badges of honor and hitching posts for dreams when traveling. It's these moments that you learn to pay attention to, take a mental photo of, and file away for later reflection
. So many of these quiet moments are unfolding before me now. Like origami flowers, every memory from my journey is like a crease in the overall form, giving stability and function to the overall shape.
I look back to every fold in my journey and am in awe. I was able to do so much, learn so much, meet so many people. The memories flicker before me now, and I know that in such a short time many will fade. The inside jokes shared with so many will tarnish, the shine taken out of them like a penny in the rain. The faces of so many I call friends now will start to blur and play hide and seek in a mental fog. And the language... OH the language. This I fear more than anything, that the sharp corners and bright colors of castellano will begin to dull. It's inevitable, I know, and it saddens me.
I'm in the funk that any traveler must feel on the arrival back to his normal, everyday life. This is the everyday that doesn't posses the vividness or intensity of art
. It's familiar and so expected. I feel as though I'm living in a parallel universe. As if there is another version of myself still in Buenos Aires, sharing a glass of whiskey with the people I'd become so happily familiar with. The Phoenix version of Caitlin seems to pale in comparison and it's confusing and befuddling. Waking up is always an adventure, as I haven't quite seemed to figure out where I am, my mind sorting through the many places I've called home over the last 4 months and coming up short. With every sun rise Argentina slips a little further away, and every dawn makes Arizona more familiar.
Even though it seems as though I'm living two lives, the reality is that I am here, back in Arizona, trying to gain some purchase as to what my life means now that I've returned. If I was able to compare the pre-journey Caitlin to post-journey Caitlin, I believe there is a significant difference in who I am. I've become incredibly more relaxed. About everything. Time management, germs, planning, appearance
... I like this version of myself better. I am more confident. I am happier, more at peace with myself than ever before. Small things don't hold as much importance now. I hope I am able to hold on to that attitude. I have become so much more spontaneous and I hope I can continue to say yes to small adventures and opportunities here in the everyday. Life is to be enjoyed, and whilst jobs and responsibilities are important, I don't want living to get in the way of the splendidness that is LIFE.
The people I met along my journey have had such an impact on me. Amazingly, I went almost the entirety of my journey without meeting other Americans. It was incredibly interesting not only learning about South American countries, but also a variety of other cultures. Hearing views from around the world on life, politics, religion and more was invaluable. I am deeply grateful for those people that I shared so much with, and though the faces may blur, those moments will forever be in my heart
. I am excited for future adventures visiting these new friends in their home countries!
Though I have decided not to move permanently abroad, pieces of my heart will forever be in South America and this visit will not be my last. I have enjoyed sharing my journey and have deeply appreciated the support and kind words from so many of you throughout my adventure. With that, I leave you with one last piece of advice in the words of Lawrence K. Fish:
"Find life experiences and swallow them whole. Travel. Meet many people. Go down some dark alleys. Try everything. Exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life."
Capturing Clarity in the Glorious Pursuit of Life
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Glendale, Arizona, United States
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