I have always felt that my 30s would be some of the best years. I have always been excited for my 30th birthday, and never worried about the ticking of time, or the fading of youth. It's funny, though, how as you approach the actual day, Father Time does force you to examine where you stand. Questions arise - "where have you been, what have you done, who are you now, who do you want to be.... where are you going?" It surprised me, and made me understand why 30 is actually a kind of big deal. The 30 freak out isn't really about being OLD... at least for me it's more about a subconscious scan of the intrinsic pieces of who you are. Are you happy? Are you on the right path? Are you where you want to be?
Some of these questions didn't have the most satisfactory answers
. And at least for me, 30 means maybe needing to make some changes to ensure that those unsatisfactory bits are able to evolve into things that I am happy with.
This trip to Paris has been important on so many levels. Number one, what better place to usher in a new era than the City of Light? Paris shimmers - there is the most beautiful hue in the sky at all times. Blush, violet, rose, indigo, grey, cerulean, pumice... whatever the color it's breathtaking. And the clouds no matter thunder or cotton create the grandest ceiling! Number two, being in a CITY again has been amazing. The similarities between Paris and Buenos Aires abound - and I have been reminded of my incredible journey of self discovery in that city often. The rhythm of life in both cities suits me, and makes me feel part of something bigger. I've missed that feeling. I didn't realize how much. Being able to walk wherever you want to go, or hop on the Metro and discover a whole new universe minutes away are things that just don't exist in Phoenix
. Also being surrounded by people. All sorts of people. Speaking French, Spanish, Hindi, German, English... the mix of backgrounds, languages, cultures is invigorating. I don't speak a lick of French. In fact, it's embarrassing just how awful my French is. This makes me want to set up camp and learn. It has been frustrating not being able to understand, as I have been traveling in Spanish speaking places for the last 6 years and that hasn't been a problem. Just after 10 days I recognize words and phrases, and I love the elegant and delicate intricacies of French. I would like very much to learn and be able to converse easily with the people here.
Number three has been the opportunity to reconnect with friends. My roommate during my time in BA, Tessa, is now back in her home in Amsterdam. She trained down to Paris for our first weekend here and it was an absolutely fantastic time. We haven't seen in each other in almost two years, so to be able to connect again in Europe, and for such a great celebration, was so meaningful. She and I have always shared some primordial connection, our lives mirroring the other in strange and wonderful ways. She understands me, knows me in ways others cannot; without the need for me to explain or illustrate. She just gets me, and I her. It was lovely to share that again. And to tear up Paris on a Saturday night! Another friend that visited was a dear friend from my Montelucia days, Celia. She and I connected when she stayed at the resort and I guided her up Camelback mountain
. She is a woman of the world, living in Phoenix, New York, London, Paris... she just got back from 3 months is Tunisia, teaching filmmaking to young students. It was great to see her for coffee and to walk the streets with her briefly and see the city through her eyes.
The last visitor was Kelv. He trained from London to spend the day with me in Paris. This one is important. Always has been, always will be. He is another connection made during my time in Buenos Aires. The two of us have had adventures there along with Phoenix, Seattle, Huntington Beach, London, Weymouth, Brighton, and now Paris. Every moment in every city has been amazing. Seeing him on my 30th was important. He helps with a lot of those above questions. Who am I, where am I going, where do I want to be? Like Tessa, Kelv knows me sometimes better than I know myself, and in ways others cannot. Talking with him always presents answers and, more questions. He challenges me to be the best version of myself, and helps me achieve that. I treasure him, and though it was a brief, and somewhat different visit this time, it meant the world.
Number four is spending time with my amazing mother. I am so grateful to have shared this experience with her. Speaking of people who know and understand me, she is by far the most important. After all, she is responsible for my very being! She is my mother, but also my best friend. She is my sounding board, my comfort, my home. There is no one I would have rather celebrated with. And what a celebration we had. My favorite memories of our time all involve being out late, eating a good meal, having too much wine and just walking the streets. Soaking up the culture, the smells, the sounds. Watching her delight in discovering the life that comes alive after dark was... well, delightful! We were able to do things together that she or I wouldn't normally do if we were on our own, or with others. I am grateful.
Now, as I write this on our very last day in Paris, looking ahead to the trip back home, back to reality, I relish in the wonderful trip we've had. I am sad to leave, and a little unprepared to get back to everyday life after such an important journey. It was a vacation, yes, but oh so much more. It was an opportunity to take the time away from reality to examine those very questions invoked by turning 30. Paris, sacred friends, my mother... they've all helped provide, or more, realize, the answers that have been there all along. And I am grateful.
Happy birthday, indeed.
Reflections
Saturday, June 07, 2014
Paris, Île-de-France, France
Other Entries
2025-02-12