“It was November--the month of crimson sunsets, parting birds, deep, sad hymns of the sea, passionate wind-songs in the pines. Anne roamed through the pineland alleys in the park and, as she said, let that great sweeping wind blow the fogs out of her soul.” Lucy Maud Montgomery
November captures the culmination of the present year while also managing to direct attention to the one to come
. There's still enough time to make some decisions before the year is over, unlike December when resolutions become something fun to write down and forget as the tiny bubbles of champagne slowly disappear. This amalgamation can either be quite lovely or absolutely terrifying depending on your situation! In either respect, November forces a silent introspection - where are you and where do you want to be?
What better a place for introspection than Scotland? Like Anne in the quote above, the sunsets, the sea, and the sweeping winds that roll down from the highlands have helped me arrive at my own answers. While being in an absolutely stunning landscape might make a pretty picture while ruminating, I was reminded by the universe this morning that physical places are simply mirages - reflections of an inner world, and to derive a new place of clarity, it's the manipulating done within that delivers the actual arrival.
I've alluded to the loneliness felt on this trip
. It's been a surprise. I was imagining a trip filled with new friends, exciting adventures and lasting connections - similar to many of my previous trips. That is far and away what has actually occurred, and it was difficult to understand and make peace with the difference. I have met heaps of lovely souls, and enjoyed more than a few adventures with them, but overall it's been a solo experience. This trip beyond all others has forced me to get comfortable with my own company! Which, as the days pass and autumn slides into winter, I'm enjoying more and more. Above all else, this trip has acted as a catalyst and gateway to my new life in Chicago. I needed something to help cut the cord attaching me to Phoenix and my life there. That separation was immensely difficult, and to have this pause in "real life" is an opportunity to recalibrate. Now, I can't wait to be in the city and to act as a tourist in my own town. Navigating through the many cities I've visited abroad has renewed my faith in my own abilities to figure things out and rely on myself
. Not a bad thing to take away from this journey.
The previous weekend I was honored to have a visitor from London, Wing-Sie, whom I met through my Argentina friends. I enjoyed her brief company immensely, and it was fun to show her Edinburgh. After her departure, this past week has been a quiet one. I've called a lovely Airbnb right next to the Holyrood Palace home. An American woman and her Northern Irish boyfriend own the place, and they have been wonderful hosts. It's been great to chat about our impressions of Scotland. They agree that the Scottish people are very nice, but distant. Most of their friends are all Irish and I believe it. The few friends I have made have all been foreigners. Surprising, again. That being said, I've loved every single second in Scotland. It truly is a wild and beautiful place and I have seen so many wonderful things here. A part of me is sad to leave it tomorrow, but the rest is excited to experience Ireland. After meeting many lovely people from Ireland here in Scotland I think I may have some luck creating more connections there.
For this month of solitude, I am grateful. I've learned a lot about myself - rather, listened to what perhaps I've known for awhile, inside. Who I am and what I'm made of, what I want out of life and what I'm capable of. Good things to be reacquainted with. This morning I finally hiked up to Arthur's Seat, described by Robert Louis Stevenson as a "hill for magnitude, a mountain in virtue of its bold design." I didn't summit, as I got mesmerized by the rising sun painting the city rose gold beneath the Salisbury Crags. High enough to feel as though I might be blown clear off the mountain! Scrambling up and over the stones, the wind whipping my hair and taking my breath away, the clouds seemingly close enough to touch, I allowed the wind-song to blow the fog from my soul. Some goals, oh what the heck, resolutions for the new year and my new life have become clear. Faith. In myself always, but more, in others. Being fiercely independent has its redeeming qualities, but I think I've forgotten how to trust and have faith in others. I don't need to go into why, most of you that know me well understand that. Being alone here, sweeping out the dust from the dark corners of my mind and heart, I think I need to be open to the softness that accompanies depending on others. With new beginnings, those sad hymns from the past can be sent out to sea to join the crimson sun as it slips beneath the horizon, ending one chapter as it prepares for the next.
SCOTTISH REVERIE
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Edinburgh, Scotland, United Kingdom
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