Making it up as I go

Sunday, April 17, 2016
Somewhere in, Australia
Just feeling the need to document some highs (and lows) lessons and learning curves in the last 6 months since I sold my house, car, and pretty much everything else I had accumulated in 25 years of home ownership.
All that's left is some personal and sentimental items in a few boxes kindly stored at a friends place.
Simplicity and minimalism has been calling me for a few years. Possibly even since I downsized my 4 bedroom Canberra home 10 years ago and moved to a modest (tiny) seaside pole house, where I proceeded to do extensions to get myself a 4 bedroom house again!&
So after 2 years of renting the house I was finally mentally prepared to let go last October.
It was so tough. I realised while analysing the hurt that it was about letting go of the place where the kids and I shared so much special time together and coming to terms with the reality of that being over.
Of course there would have been Easters and Christmases. Like many other families in Tathra, my children would undoubtedly return for the special occasions. Then they'd spend most of the time out of the house catching up with friends and I just didn't want to live there alone waiting for those occasions perhaps to be disappointed by the same. (justifies selling the family home for the hundredth time)
When it was signed sealed and delivered there was immediately a sense of relief, accomplishment and freedom.
The freedom feeling has remained, however everything in this world comes at a price....including freedom.
The question is..are you willing to pay it?
I returned to Townsville to finish a locum there which was a good thing as it gave me time to absorb the change in familiar surroundings, doing lots of yoga as I always do while I'm there . It was stability that i needed.
Mid November I chose to stop work as Connor had finished Uni for the year and it was more important for me to spend time with one of my children than to earn more money. That was a good decision. We travelled together to Gili T , via Darwin due to Mt Rinjani erupting and that was cool as I got to show him where he spent the first 4 yeas of his life . once on Gili , we soon settled into the rhythm of daily life at our respective diveshops, happy in our separate but overlapping island lives . It was our 3rd Xmas on Gili T and super fun as usual with our enthusiastic Gili family.
I told Connor a little sooner than I had intended about our upcoming surprise trip to Ireland and Austria. Several years ago I stopped buying material gifts for my twins for birthdays or Xmas but instead tried to DO something exciting. Since the 5th Jan 2016 was their 21st birthday and they hadn't seen each other in 2 years, there was only one treat which was going to fit the bill and that was for them (and all 3 of us) to be together!
It had been so relentlessly hot for 7 weeks in Indonesia that the thought of winter in Europe was quite exciting. Not as exciting though , as the thought of walking into the restaurant where Erin was working and surprising her on the eve of the big day!
I was planning it for months, and feeling quite emotional about the whole thing. On the way to the restaurant, Connor and I discussed what her possible reaction might be, squealing? disbelief? tears? It all happened so fast in the end. The myriad of imagined scenarios I'd gone over in my head were always a little in slow motion, giving time to take it all in , but suddenly we were in the room and she was walking towards us and all I remember and indeed will never forget is the look of complete shock on her face as she laid eyes on Connor. And then the tears came . So much emotion.. so much love.
We spent a glorious 2 weeks in St Anton. I gained so much pleasure from cooking for them both for the first time in so long. Its funny, the exact same thing I was so weary of when they lived at home now giving me so much pleasure.
It was hard saying goodbye. It;s always hard. But we promised it wouldn't be so long with plans to meet at the end of the ski season and do a trip together.
I realised what I always knew..that a home is not a building..its the people inside the home who make it so. 
 February was spent in South Goa at Trimurti yoga dong my teacher training course. I didn't sign up because I had a burning desire to be a yoga teacher. I just wanted to take my own yoga practice further and continue further along a paths which I felt was the right direction for me. Good decision. Great decision in fact . I was so ready for the ashram life. The physical, emotional detox following Gili, Ireland, Austria. I had no idea it would have such a profound long lasting effect on me . Two months on what happened during that time in Goa continues change me. Strangely I have lost my desire for alcohol, it no longer holds any power over me and I'm so much calmer in my mind.
People have asked if I "found myself" there.. but at 53 I already had a pretty good idea where I was, so not so much that. What I did do was let go of some emotional baggage concerning my kids of course. I lost a couple of kilos, gained some muscle, lost a few worries, gained some awesome friends and realised clearly that this path I am on is exactly where I should be right now. It;s been facilitated by the lack of material possessions and the space, the time and the desire to go within and find out what I might be capable of.
I can feel the changes already which at my stage in life is as challenging as it is exciting. But I guess if I can handle the change from hands on Mother to arms length parent then I can adjust to party girl becomes virtual non drinker!
I have become quite passionate about the benefits of simple minimalist living. I think about western society and how all the new gadgets and consumer driven society is Not making people happy. In fact I believe it's linked to the opposite. 
let's see what he next year brings...



 
 
 

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