Hey Hey and a Big G'Day toya,
 
Military Military
Let's talk about bloody Military!
 
There I was sound a sleep dreaming about Asian Beauties and whamo, the phone rings. Irritated by the fact that it was only ten in the morning I answered it with a grumpy.....City Morgue, Spare Parts Department. Thankfully the reception girl on the other end of the phone had no idea what I said even though her English is good enough to argue about room prices with!
 
I was going to take the time to explain.
But then she said...Soldiers be here soon, you must move your room.
 
It seems that each year at this time the Military take over have the hotel and as we are in China no one bothers to tell anyone until the very morning they are to arrive. My answer was quite simple. The soldiers can find a new hotel, I have paid for my room...bye bye...and hung the phone up hoping that would be the end of the story.
 
She rang straight back and continued to tell me I had to move rooms or find another hotel. I continued to tell her that this was my room and I had paid HER the money for it the prior evening. She said the police had booked two floors yesterday for the Army and that it wasn't my room it was the soldiers and I had to move my room now. I gave in, when it comes to the Military here in China you are dealing with Gods That Walk. The police bow to them and so does everyone else.
 
Ok I said.
But I will need someone to help me carry my room if you want me to 'move my room'.
Of course she didn't get it and instead of laughing she let me know I had an hour before the soldiers arrived.
 
Everyone from the sixth floor was moved to the seventh floor and I can't say I was too happy when they wanted me to pay the same as I was already paying. It is much colder up here and it hasn't been renovated since Chairman Mao was born. There is no carpet and the biggest shocker of all is that I have to get out of bed to turn the lights off. It's a hotel mate, who gets out of bed to turn the lights off. Next to my bed is the typical hotel side table with a lamp and switches and dials that do everything from turning the lights down to turning the TV off and on but somebody obviously forgot to connect this one because it doesn't work.
 
If fact, there are no wires at all coming out the back of it to connect to the wall.
Even Mao would have had someone to turn his lights off.
 
After an argument at reception and me reminding them that it was their hotel that asked me to stay here with promises of this and a promises of that I would be happy to pay half price. The manager then got involved and then the manager's manager and soon I happily left for the day with clean towels on my bed and half price accommodation. Fifty Yuan is pretty bloody good for a double room with hot water and everything you need in this city.
 
Both hostels won't budge from 160 Yuan and most hotels I have tried want nearly the same.
 
About five minutes later I was boarding the subway and finally on my way to the Australian Consulate to do the paperwork for my new Passport. This time I was armed with money, photos and the correct application lodging hours. After a security check I soon had the two Registry Beauties running their eyes all over me but sadly not as they would have if I was Brad Pitt or better yet Jet Li (they are Chinese). They were busy trying to figure out who I was. My passport was being passed back and forth between them and they kept glancing over at me and giggling.
 
Ten years ago I had long hair and looked...um...about one year younger than I do now!
I then began handing over as much ID as possible which still didn't make me....um...ME.
 
I then had to answer all the security questions like;
Does your mother have eight fingers and can she play the flute.
Soon after I happily was given the go ahead to become myself again!
 
They were actually really cool and humorous about it all and soon we were talking about the large line of Chinese people behind the security lines and if any of them were refused their VISA to Australia then they would have the right of appeal to where I worked for over a decade of my life...the Commonwealth Administrative Appeals Tribunal. We then had to deal with how I was to receive my new passport several weeks later and this is where is becomes a little confusing.
 
If I wanted them to send it to my school then I had two options.
 
They could snip the cover of my current passport leaving it 'cancelled, therefore invalid for flying and hotel checkins (if they actually knew what it meant if a passport had a large snip taken out of its cover). I still have five weeks of holidays so this wasn't an option for me. Next I could send them my passport when I got back to school after my holidays and when they received it they would then snip it and send both my new and old passports back to me.
 
My last option and the most reasonable option was to return to collect it in several weeks.
I chose this option as I plan to be still in Guangdong at that time.
Where I will be is the only question.
 
I spent the rest of the day slowly making my way back to the main part of the city. I dropped into several IT Markets and made a few awesome purchases. I got myself two 240GB Flash Sticks which no doubt won't work at all because in any 'normal' computer store anything with that amount of memory is still a little larger than the palm of your hand. But they cost next to nothing and I worked on the thought of 'what if they do work'. I also got myself a very handy computer travelling kit that is made up of everything needed for anyone on the go with a tiny laptop.
 
Everything is like a tape measure.
All cords roll out and then they roll back in again after use.
 
I tell you what, the roll away mouse, the four port USB hub, the roll away internet cable and the roll away USB extension cable will come in very handy. The pen with the infrared light will also come in handy when I'm bored and need a little extra fun to pick me up. I can giggle to myself as I shine it out my window at police cars and planes as they fly over head.
 
Just jokin mate, anyone who does such a thing deserves the outcome of such a stupid act.
In fact I can't actually comprehend why someone would do the above.
Some people are strange, very very strange!
 
I spent the next few hours doing what I do best and that is zig zagging my way around the tiny back streets in search of the wonderfully delicious snacks that can be found on offer in almost all of the back streets here in China. Seriously, you could be in the backiest of the back streets thinking 'Ow Man, I'm feeling a little peckish I'd love a snack or two to get me by' and just around the next corner you come face to face with the Street Snack Vendor Sent From Heaven!.
 
Most of the snacks I found today I have come across before but I have found them scattered throughout the different provinces I have either lived in or travelled. Here I have found them all in the one city. Three or four wheels, a gas bottle, a wok or two, a small window and bench, steam, colours and most of all an aroma that can be smelt even before you round the corner and come face to face with the Street Snack Vendor Sent From Heaven.
 
Ohhhhhh, drool material!
 
This is the city that history once knew as Canton City!
What a wonderful wonderful life I live here in Mysterious China
Tell me that when you read the word Canton that your mind doesn't begin to wonder!
I couldn't be happier if I was twins...well then again I probably could be if I was triplets.
 
Beers N Noodles toya.....shane
PS: of course the two 240GB Memory Sticks did work.
Well they do work but not very well, in fact incredibly not very well!
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The soundtrack to this entry was by Bon Scott's AC DC
The album was 'Highway To Hell'
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