Hey Hey and a Big G'Day toya,

Mobile Phones!
So many people need an operation to get theirs unstuck form head and hands and maybe out of their butt!

I find it rather strange that some people who seem to always have their mobile in their hands also play a big part in not using them correctly ie: maybe to make calls to find out simple yet extremely important information that would help save so much expenditure and several weeks being wasted!

2013 VISA Medical Shambles: Part A

From Monday, 20^th May through to Thursday 24^th May I asked and reminded my FAO (Foreign Affairs Officer) to please, please, PLEASE call either the Shangrao PSB (Public Security Bureau) or the Shangrao Entry & Exit hospital (Immigration Hospital) and as always with my FAO the reply was…yes it will be ok.

Thursday evening came and I asked one last time, did you call either place?
It is ok, the headmaster will give us a lift in the morning as he’s going to Shangrao.

So after having no food or liquids since ten the previous evening we arrived at the hospital at ten the following morning (several hours after leaving Dexing) to find that they can no longer do medicals for foreigners and that all foreigners must now go to Nanchang city. I asked how long this had been in place and found that it was well over a year ago so I then asked my FAO if he made any calls at all that week?

No, but it will be ok.
How will it be ok when you’ve just wasted an entire Farking day of MINE!

2013 VISA Medical Shambles: Part B

From Monday 27^th May through to Thursday 30^th May I once again asked and reminded my FAO to please, please, PLEASE call the Nanchang Entry & Exit Hospital to see if A: it is the correct hospital and B: what times they do the VISA Medicals for foreigners.

Yes, this week I promise I will call.

Thursday evening we had our Children’s Day performance and I was happy to grab a taxi and head to Nanchang that evening and after finding my FAO I asked if he had rang the hospital and asked both questions.

It will be ok and we can leave tomorrow morning and do the medical in the afternoon.
Cool I thought, he did call and this time all will be well.

The following morning I met him in his office at eight, found him in a state of confusion and after asking what the problem was, found that he was only then searching for the hospital address and phone number. Fark Man, you’ve once again had all week and you still haven’t called or even found out the damn address, it’s a nearing four hour bus journey, I haven’t eaten since ten last night and I’m so damn thirsty.

What the hell is the matter with you!
Its’ ok, it will be alright.
Whatever!

So once again after not having any food or liquids for nearly sixteen hours we arrived at the hospital well over five hours after leaving Dexing to find the hospital was closed for lunch, which I expected. We took a seat on the front steps where we met American Miles who has been teaching in Nanchang for the past year. He seemed really cool so we all decided to spend the afternoon walking around and once the front doors opened he stopped being American Miles and became GIGANTOR,

I honestly thought the building was falling over;
Or that an alien spacecraft had arrived and was blocking the sun.
My FAO is the young guy on the bridge next to Gigantor..extremely smart BUT!

Anyhow, once Miles had collected his results, I grabbed a form and began to fill it in to be told, 'I’m sorry sir, we only do Foreign Medicals in the mornings’. I looked at my FAO and my blood began to boil. The counter girl then told us we could return the following morning. I checked my phones calendar ‘just in case I was wrong’ and reminded her that tomorrow was Saturday.

Yes it is and you can come back tomorrow morning.
I thought cool, she works here all will be well.

The afternoon was spent walking around Nanchang constantly snacking to fill my empty stomach and then grabbing a comfy chair and table at a Coffee Shop/Bar where Miles and I swapped travel stories over a few whiskeys.    

2013 VISA Medical Shambles: Part C

Once again after having no food or liquids since ten the previous evening we arrived at the hospital at ten the following morning to find that….you guessed it, the hospital was closed because….you guessed it, the hospital doesn’t open on weekends and needless to say my FAO didn’t speak the entire journey back to Dexing.

After so long here in China I am used to the simplest thing turning into a shambles;
But sometimes it just becomes too damn ridiculous to comprehend.

All of that time and money wasted on buses and hotels etc simply because someone can’t stop texting or chatting on Weibo. We live in the same building, only two floors apart and several times both weeks I rang and said; Hey Dude, what are you doing? …Nothing…OK, how about coming up and we can look for the phone number and address on my internet, it will only take five minutes;

Oh maybe tomorrow, I’m busy chatting at the moment.
 
For those saying, don't be so hard on the dude.

He does sweet bugger all classes each week, but his timetable is spread over the seven days, his is supposed to be my Grade 7 & 8 classroom assistant but lately rarely turns up and when I really need him I find him in his office on the internet AND at the end of last term he lied to me for two months and stole over 10,000 Yuan of my salary and lost it all playing Mahjong leaving his family to pay his debts.

Why did the school not get rid of him?

This is a very small town and the school timetable is eleven days on and two and a half days off. Students and teachers are up at 5:50am and in bed at 10:00pm, so it is extremely hard to find teachers who want to work such hours. Also, even I know that he is a good teacher and the students respect him very much but the fact is he has a Mahjong problem.  

So is he a good or bad person?

He teaches Grade 9 and as it is nearing the end of term their timetable has become absolutely horrific due to the end of year final exams. They will leave Middle School and enter High School and it is this set of exams that will determine what high school they enter therefore also determine the rest of their lives. Due to this they haven't gone home for some time as they are made to stay at school and continue to study each weekend and not going home means that their parents/family can't give them money to top up their Canteen Card.

Therefore, no money no food!

Last month he gave his entire salary to his class to top up their canteen cards and for the last month I've been paying for his dinners each evening but instead of asking the school for help he simply goes about it the wrong way. Last Friday evening in Nanchang he knocked on my hotel door and told me he needed to go to the hospital and asked to borrow money and I of course being the caring guy I am gave him 500 Yuan simply because I never get sick and have no idea how much a doctors/hospital visit costs. About ten minutes later I thought, hey, we've eaten the exact same thing all day and evening and I feel fine so I went down stairs and asked the hotel staff if they had seen him.

Yes they had and they had shown him to the Mahjong floor!

Why Did I Pay For Two Rooms & Not Share?

He spits, hocks and snorts a thousand times more than any AFL player.  

What they do in one game he does each and every five minutes and it doesn't matter where; the classroom, restaurants, cinema, taxi, supermarket and even in my apartment....he was evicted for that one. I was like, I throw my students out for spitting and you yell at them and then hock, snort and spit at the back of the classroom the very next minute but you don't do that shit in my apartment...LEAVE!

He's a good looking guy and the girls are into him...until five minutes later when he hocks, snorts and spits. I remember when we went to see The Hobbit, the cinema girl was right into him and just as he was about to give her the money for the tickets he covered one nostril and totally gave the other one a free ride.

Both she and I actually jumped back in total shock and disbelief!
Hey, he's the one appointed by the school and local government to look after me;
What the hell can I do except dodge loogies and try not to barf at dinner sometimes.
  
So I guess the question is actually not 'is he a good or bad person'?
The question actually is 'am I a sucker and a stupid person or a caring one'?

Beers N Noodles toya…..shane
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The soundtrack to this entry was by Linkin Park
The album was ‘New Divide’
That’s for you Cristina my Moo Moo Cow iSister!
Miss you and Kungfu Ken…oh and those delicious Macau egg tarts!
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