Hey Hey and a Big G'Day toya,

Where does it usually happen?
In bus and train stations, market places, walking a busy street or even in a café.
So the dirt track in that photo above, it happened right there on that very spot.
It was like a scene from a movie and a rather funny one at that.

Enters The Comedy

In fact the more I think about it the more I find that it was like a comedy skit from a television show such as The Comedy Company etc that has been written to take the piss out of those 'extremely paranoid travellers’. You know the ones who put their day pack on their front and stare around with flickering eyes. Well, if it was a skit written to take the piss, the wind actually blew in the writer’s general direction leaving him soaked and humiliated.

For the paranoid back packer would still have his or her pack.
Silence, all there was beautiful silence.

This morning I hired a bike and took off out into the fields and karst peaks. The main dirt road out to the Blue Lagoon was rather busy with scooters and little four wheel go cart looking things. When I arrived at The Blue Lagoon’ I walked around for about five minutes and after saying, ‘really, that’s it!’ I took off out into the real countryside just like I do back in China. After a few hours I realised that I hadn’t seen anyone except for a few farmers in the passing fields.

As it was over thirty degrees and I was sweaty I stopped for a breather and some water.
That was when I heard the motorbike in the distance.
This is where it becomes outrageously funny.

Enters The Thief

I was off my bike resting, my pack was behind me on the track but near my feet and I was drinking some water looking out over the fields. Soon a Westerner/Foreigner came around the corner and when we saw each other he waved, I waved in return and after waving I turned and continued drinking my water while staring at some of the most amazing countryside I have seen in a number of years. I heard the motorbike slow down as it neared me and didn’t really think much of it due to the roads condition.

I then heard the motorbike speed up and then go quieter as it went into the distance.

A few minutes later, after finishing my bottle of water by emptying it on my head I turned around to grab my daypack and there was only a dirt track. I was a little startled but thought hey I must have hung it on my bike after taking the water bottle out. I then looked at my bike and then at my feet and honestly even then even did a few turnarounds like a ballerina on stage.

It took a few seconds before reality actually clicked in to mouth the words:
That sneaky friendly motorised son of a bitch snaffled my pack!

I then looked down the track in the direction of that sneaky friendly motorised son of a bitch and found that I could no longer hear his sneaky friendly son of a bitch motor. So what was in the bag? Oh only my new phone which ‘was’ a HTC M8 Eye. The first phone I have purchased in many many years. Why did I buy a new phone? Because my trusty old Nokia N8 now and takes just over five minutes to start, yes it does and I know this because The Brits and I timed it on several occasions. Back then it was funny, a right laugh so to say because I knew I was going to buy a new phone and was currently researching which one to fork over my small savings on.

Oh and just for shits & giggles five minutes ago I turned it off and on, now it’s ready.

Yes over the past few years I’ve taken the old N8 into the service joint where they gave it a grease and oil change, changed the spark plugs, tuned the breaks, put in a new starter motor, changed the coolant and even bored the engine until it fit NASCAR 454V8 specs but sadly the fact is it is just old.

But a phone is a phone is a phone and a phone can easily be replaced.

Enters The Tragedy

The tragedy of it all is that my ‘main ATM card’ was in the phone case. Normally I keep snuggly with me in my money belt with my wallet and keep my second ATM card with my phone. I say this because my phone up until now has always been a small screened phone with a really really good camera. Who thought it was a great idea to up screen size upon purchase? Shhh, don’t tell anyone but it was ME who thought it would be a great idea to up size to a five and a half screen from a four. After the first day using it I knew that it was going to be a real bitch to carry around as a camera so I kept it in my pack and began using my old Fuji camera.

One camera, one phone, why not make it a real joke and by a separate MP3 Player.
Anyhow, on to the ATM Card and why it is a tragedy.

Simply put, China’s banking system really really sucks in a way that each province might as well be a separate country. My main ATM Card belongs to an account in Jiangxi Province, which is the last province I taught in but in the city three schools back. Do you think that the same bank in Jiangsu Province can do anything at all to help me? Are you kidding me! NO, they cannot help at all, I’ve already had it looked into by two separate people and yes of course when I leave Laos and return to China I will do the stupid thing of sitting in line to then have the clerk look at me and say;

I am sowwi Sir, we cin nah hewlp.

Some of the new banks are now connected in a way they can issue a new card in any major city but not the Agricultural Bank of China, no each province still wants to be the only Agricultural Bank of China in China. You know like those back packers who look at you as you walk towards them but when your eyes lock they quickly look away as if to say, you are not there, I am the only back packer in China.

So, next term is really going to suck money wise.

I’ve had to borrow enough money to get me back to my school and live until end of March which when my next salary is and of course most of that will be used to pay the money back that I have borrowed. So I am pretty much beginning at zero money and the NEXT BIG PROBLEM will be when can I go all the way to Shangrao city in Jiangxi Province to even try to get my money? Also I have just found out that my money is in a bank account called EGG. Egg was always my teaching name for my young students (it sounds more fun in Chinese than in English) and if I do not have any paper work supporting the fact that I am EGG (which I don’t) then it will most probably be illegal for them to give EGG’S money to someone whose name is Shane ? on the passport I will be showing them.

This is really going to cause a lot of problems in the future is I can’t get that money.

Next term is going to be a very short term which means several months less salary, subtract the first month’s salary being used to pay off the money I borrowed. This most probably is going to mean that I won’t be able to move schools or fly back to Australia to see friends and family on over a decade as at the end of the term I won’t have a salary for three months two months Summer Break and then having to work for a month before getting Septembers salary.  
Oh frakit, I'm gonna sit here, drink some more beer Lao and watch a few hours of 'Friends'.
Beers N Noodles toya…..Shane the Eggflip
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The soundtrack to this entry was by Metallica
The album was ‘Master of Puppets’
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