The Last Resort

Monday, February 05, 2018
Hội An, Quang Nam Province, Vietnam
I felt like escaping Hoi An for a few days and what could be better than a beachside resort in nearby Tam Ky. The one I chose was a very reasonable price, in fact a very cheap price for a resort, perhaps too cheap I thought, only $19 a night. How could I possibly go wrong, coconut palms, a hammock, a nearby deserted beach and peace and quiet. So I scootered down the long straight road to Tam Ky and the first thing I saw when I got to the front gate was a man up a ladder working on a power pole with a huge tangle of wires underneath him. I quickly found out there was no power to the resort, temporarily.
The young manager explained that it would be back on soon, so no worries, com sao. When I asked him where to check in and show my passport he waved it off and said we don't worry about that here, and he showed me to my beachside unit. The power was off and so was the wifi and I desperately needed a shower and as the water heater wasnt working  I just lay down and tried to sleep in the very high humidity. A storm was coming and maybe that stimulated the mossies as I was attacked by them in hordes. I couldnt sleep so I drove into the small seaside village to get supplies, in this case mossie spray and vodka. When I looked at the spray can it said "Kill the dengue mosquitoes". It was a bit late for that anyway, back at the unit the power was back on and I turned on the water heater and waited it out for an hour or so and jumped under the shower to find it was cold. I was desperate so cold shower it was. Oh by the way, no TV in my room. Luckily I had brought two books so I started on Get Shorty by Elmore Leonard. Great story and not a bad film. The wifi was interesting as the modem was sitting on a pathway outside my room and I wondered how it would survive if it rained, I soon found out when the storm hit the modem went offline, never to return I guess.
The manager reccomended a resto nearby so I went there and they brought a handwritten menu which basically was seafood but in about 40 varieteies. I ordered prawns in tamarind sauce and above that on the menu was Optcus prawns in tamarind sauce so I asked what it was. Big mistake as when the food arrived they thought I had ordered it so I ended up with the prawns and also squid in tamarind sauce. Oh well, I ate it but I don't think I will order anything with tamarind sauce for a long time. It dawned on me that the Optcus on the menu was Octopus i.e squid. So back to my room for one of the most uncomfortable nights I have ever spent, humidity, mosquitos and an aircon that was ineffective mainly because the room wasn't sealed. Around the tops of the walls was open and some of the small windows had cardboard shoved into them to keep out the outside air. I tried leaving the door open to let some sea breeze in but unforunately the mossies took advantage and entered in hordes. I kept spraying to little effect and lathered the spray on my legs and feet in desperation. During the night I got up and sat naked on the side of the bed and had a cigarette and as I was sitting there a figure loomed up in the doorway shining a torch into my room. It was the manager checking that I was there. And by the way, the cold water became no water during the afternoon, The pump that feeds the overhead waater tank had blown out and a new one was being sought so I didn;t even have the luxury of a cold shower.
The manager said I could go up to the main house and have a shower when I wanted so first thing next morning I was up there and guess what, cold water again. Why the water was cold I'll explain later. So I went to the breakfast area and met Ken an American about 35 or so, top knot, thin as a stick and with a bruised and bloody nose and cheek and a big cut on the side of his head. He told me a complicated story of falling off his scooter the previous night but couldnt remember what happened. A young lady joined us who was a Viet Kieu a Vietnamese who lives in the US and she had returned to see her grandparents, some who lived in Ha Noi and some in Da Lat. She confided to me that Ken had concussion and his memory was shot. I put it down to what he eats as I sat there and watched him turn a bowl of perfectly good noodles into a glutinous brown mass of mush, with bananas. He did this by adding things to the noodles from little plastic bags, about half a dozen ingredients. He ate it ravenoulsy and then when finished he licked his plate for about five minutes until it was gleaming white. Saves washing up I guess.
I decided to go intoTam Ky and get a decent cup of Vietnamese coffe and have a foot massage as the storm was approaching and it was pointless riding down the coast as planned. I found a good coffee shop and sat and bought some lottery tickets and enjoyed the view of the boring streets of Tam Ky. Then using google maps I sought out a massage place but every place I went to was either not there or was being demolished or just didnt exist. After going to three or four places I found myself in a back lane off a dirt road and this led to an alleyway down which halleluyah I saw a massage barber sign. I drove into someones back yard to find a woman at work doing a womans  hair. Using google translate I got across what I wanted and then sat and waited  After a short but good massage she shaved me, not with a razor but first she powdered my face with a big powderpuff and then shaved me with a Gillette blade held in her fingers. When it came time to pay I was surprised that it only cost 100,000 Dong, $5 in Oz money. 
Back to the resort where I slept and was woken by someone knocking with the news that the water was back on. The storm was raging now and being woken from a deep sleep I looked out to sea and saw what I thought was a Tsunami rolling in and the man had come to warn me that the water was coming.
 I was mentally relishing this shower I had anticipated for so long and I planned to enjoy it to the fullest, however when I turned on the taps the water was cold. A few expletives later and after much fiddling with the swivel type taps I realised that they had been plumbed the wrong way about and the hot was actually the cold. Ah, bliss.
The resort is on about 10 acres of land and was originally set up as a meditation retreat but never made made money and fell into disrepair. The new owners are slowly restoring it and face a huge task to get it back to what it was, my best wishes to them.
You may think my little holiday was torture but the people I met at the resort were very helpful and accomodating. The breakfasts I had were cooked by a lady in a very primitive kitchen but the Bahn Mi Opla and banana pancakes very good as was the coffee. When it was time to pay the bill I met the owners who were a young Vietnamese couple who knocked 50% off for the water problems, so the total for 2 nights was 340,000 or $10 per night.
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Comments

Cath
2018-04-09

All I can say is Oh My God!

dennys
2018-04-09

enjoyed your email and photos immensely. a good detailed description of two days in the wilderness. We wish them well too in their task of restoring the place.

Kim&Riley
2018-04-10

Ditto... OMG... & funny as... And they still charged you $10 per night.. You should have charged them.. LMFAO...

2025-02-15

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