My UN-happy dance

Thursday, November 28, 2019
Atlantic Ocean
I do enjoy the occasional game of overpriced Bingo while cruising.  I had 3 wins on our last cruise.  I especially liked the conversion to this Medallion Class cruising which ups the technology to the point where you can tap into the live Bingo games from anywhere on the ship.  To say I was disappointed to be told early on that they don’t DO THAT on this ship.  Too many glitches, they said.  I call ‘Bullshit’.  I think they just prefer the hype of having everyone playing in the same room.  It’s anti-climactic when you have winners who aren’t present.  So...I have to subject myself to attending live, and in person.  What’s wrong with that, you ask?  Well, let me tell you what I told Kier. 
There’s a whole ‘thing’ about the live Bingo that I hate.  It is largely played on tablets these days, which are provided by the cruise staff.  For the record...I’m fine with that part.  There are very few who opt for the old fashioned paper cards.  The caller is Fortuna Luck.  It’s an entire persona adopted by the woman who calls the numbers.  It involves a special outfit...dress, wig, and shoes.  She calls Bingo on ALL the Princess Medallion Class ships.  It’s their attempt to glamourize the game.  And this is where they lose me...there’s a lot of audience participation.  Yup.  You CAN have audience participation in a Bingo game.  Hey...I’m not THERE to participate...I’m just there to win!
What annoys me the most about live Bingo on the ships is the ‘Bingo Lingo’.  What the heck is THAT, you ask?  Well let me give you a taste.  ‘I-30, it’s Dirty Gerty in cabin 30’; ‘G-54, car 54 where are you?’; ‘I-22, 2 little ducks, quack quack’; ‘I-16, sweet 16 and never been kissed.  What do you say to that?  RUBBISH’; ‘O-75, the granddaddy of bingo’; ‘O-63, it’s our Christmas Song, sing along with me...ohhh 63, oh 63, please bring my Bingo back to me’; and on and on it goes.  Almost every number has some cutesy pie saying or sound effect to go along with it.   Absolutely A-NNOY-ING!
And if that’s not gets worse.  In the old days, pre-technology, they always wanted you to stand when you’re 1 number away from calling Bingo.  That way everyone in the room can jeer you and try to put the proverbial hex on you.  I’m not a stander.  And although I’m not overly superstitious, I feel it’s bad luck to stand.  I just want to remain anonymous until I’ve got the goods and make the call for Bingo.  If that wasn’t bad enough, these days ole Fortuna Luck wants you to stand AND DANCE...your happy dance, she calls it.  No effin’ way!  It’s hard to remain anonymous, however, because these new tablets bing very loudly when you’re 1 number away.  And young Fortuna has extremely good hearing.  She’ll stop the game and say ‘I hear a bing...whose 1 number away?’, and everyone is looking around for the person.  Some keeners will even sell you out by looking over your shoulder and pointing you out if you aren’t standing up to dance.  I mean really, isn’t it enough that I’m paying way too much money for 4 games of Bingo?  Do I need to be harassed and embarrassed while I’m there?  Just leave me alone and let me try to win one of the 4 prizes, hopefully without having to split with someone else...or worse, several other people.  
Is it any wonder that I prefer to play using my own tablet, from any other location but where it’s being held?  The system knows when I’ve got Bingo, the game is halted, and my winnings go into my onboard account.  Sometimes technology is great.  Glitches be damned.  Turn the system back on, let me play from the comfort of my cabin, and then watch me do my happy dance!!
Day 4 of the Ultimate Trek and we suffered a bit of a setback on the first challenge.  We got stuck finding an elevator to the top of the ship and then the damn ‘Ring Toss’ held us up.  We were 8th leaving that challenge.  Not good.  We managed to make up some time on the next couple of challenges and finished a respectable 4th at the final check in.  
Tomorrow’s the last challenge and then Saturday the finale where the winners are crowned.  We pretty much have to finish top 3 tomorrow or there’s little chance of winning the very valuable coaster, or lanyard, or whatever chintzy prize they dole out on Saturday.
Fingers crossed!!
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