Back to Berlin

Tuesday, September 04, 2018
Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Leaving home was kinda sad - I really enjoyed myself this time. I got used to the Kansas heat and humidity (who am I kidding, I miss that all the time) and I got to just be in Lenexa with my family and have something to work on. AND I got to celebrate my sister aka bff. It was pretty great.
Coming back from Guatemala I was surprised at how happy I was to be back. I was nervous that this was just a one-time thing, and that coming back from Kansas would be different and not as exciting. It's true, it wasn't as exciting, but I was still happy. Knowing it would be a transition, I opted for the more difficult (more changes) way home from the airport to avoid Alexanderplatz and all the tourists. I wasn't ready for that kind of crazy on a hot day. I got to just be home - Berlin home. I came home, went to the grocery store, cooked with Emmi, showered, and watched Netflix. It was good, and much needed as a tired sick person.
Work was good - again, I noticed it wasn't as exciting as it was in June, partly because many of my friends are now gone, but I was still happy. I barely had any work, but I was still happy. I like my job.
Jumping into German class was a change from June as well. I felt much more comfortable (it helped that one of my friends from my last class in June was there) and I could understand a lot more. Speaking was a different story, but I feel much more apt to learn now that I'm not 100% new to this country and its language, I'm living in a much better environment, and I'm not taking an upper-level engineering course and designing a water tank in Guatemala. I feel I know where to focus my studies, and I know how to be better organized. My friend, Gilad, is actually a good language partner. After establishing our ages and the 9-year age gap, I feel better claiming him as a language buddy. He rarely speaks in English, which is better than I can say for myself. I know what I need to work on in order to get up to his level. I'm excited to practice with him. 
All in all, it's always weird/a bit sad to come back home - no matter if home is in Berlin, Kansas, or Milwaukee - but home is a good place. I like my home here in Berlin, and I'm super nervous to see it go by so quickly. I just want to study, study, study - on top of sleep/get over this cold, finish paperwork, and establish my school duties as the new semester begins back in Milwaukee. BUT it's SO much better than June. Wow that was a horrible month. And I was pretty happy throughout that time. I really didn't know better haha. I now have a cell phone, a Tax ID, a legal address, a bank account, friends, plans, favorite restaurants, a new haircut, new clothes, a home, some progress, and great memories. It feels good to be here, and I can't imagine going back to Milwaukee. I knew that taking this job would mean more difficult times ahead, but with everyone in the States now working, I feel like I'm just being normal in that path, and it's gonna hurt a bit to take a step back and go to school. I like having my full-time job; I've always liked having a full-time job. I also know though that I like school, and I like Milwaukee.
I don't think it was until I went home this past week that I realized that I am learning about myself a lot here. It doesn't get cheesier than that folks. Study abroad was different and good, and I learned a lot there, but I am really thankful to finally be able to just focus on myself here. When I go to work, I can't call anyone. I can't call anyone on my way home from work. I am not obliged to keep up with anyone (except for you, mom & dad), and often my friends aren't even free until my bedtime. It's nice being alone. But I'm not alone. I have really great friends here (I can really feel that "quality over quantity" thing), I have a purpose, and people depend on me. I get to have my own life here. 
And that's really nice.

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