In America, and all over the world, and now over
here as well there are many beauty pageants for all ages . We’ve seen young
children all spruced up and looking like young adults with their hair finely
done and dressed in the most wonderful ball gowns. That’s one end of the spectrum,
and at the other end, there is either Miss World or Miss Universe. Watched by
millions all over the world. On our lovely little island, we also have these
sort of beauty contests. So far, they’ve had ‘Miss Sexy Body’ where contestants
had to dress in the usual sort of attire you’ve probably already seen. Then
there was the ‘Miss Summer Heat’ where the judges could not make up their minds
as to who the winner should be. Where ten women had to perform in swimwear and
lingerie; as well as demonstrating their speaking skills. Apparently their
attire was not judged. The runner up was so overcome that she fainted on stage
shortly after the final decision and was taken to hospital. See how dangerous
these pageants can be?..........   Other pageants
include ‘The Best Runway Model; (sounds like an aeroplane) Miss Model International
which runs for a whole month. (Who knows what they do for the entire time .) I’ve
just read that Miss Cornwall in England has been stripped of her title as she
lied about her age and her place of residence. She claimed to be 22, but
someone tipped a wink to the organisers she was in fact 27. Probably a young up
and coming disgruntled young contestant who thought she should have done better
that she actually did. Now you know how seriously people take these; and to
what lengths they will go to win! The bottom line is that both Dyana & I
have never ever been to one. So going to this was quite an experience! Oh
Yes..................! Mark your calendars that we went to our first one
yesterday called................... wait for it................. No! I don’t want
you to laugh when I tell you what it was called. Promise? Please? “My
Beautiful Ram” Yes. You’ve read it correctly...... Now, if you’re into cars
and that sort of thing, you might be forgiven into thinking that it was a
competition for a car called the Dodge Ram. An American pick-up truck. But you’d
be wrong. Completely wrong. It was for beautiful male goats . Ohhhhhh Yesssss.   We just could not resist going to this one;
held in the centre of the island in a local tiny town called Colombier. It’s
not really a town at all, but a village (see the picture, and please note the
Rams smiling teeth. I wonder if he’d had them whitened for the photo) where
everyone knows everyone else. It was advertised by banners over the roads from
one side to the other. An in big letters so you could not miss it at all; or
make a mistake about what you were going to see either. Promoted by a company called
Presidente (French) that sells beer. ‘MY BEAUTIFUL RAM COMPETITION’. What else
will they be able to think of next I wonder. As usual it was on Caribbean time.
All goats had to be registered by 7.30 in the morning and judging was from
lunch time onwards. Goats were given a tag round their neck with their name written
on and also who their owner was. All tied to trees in what could only be called
a little overgrown thicket. Then he arrived. Pirate Ernest with his parrot.
Ernest said he had a private zoo at home consisting of many different birds and
animals . The parrot was called Reddy because it had a little red marking as
opposed to his other which was called Greeny. Makes you think doesn’t it?....
Dyana asked him if it could speak and he immediately started making high
pitched noises sounding something like a Caribbean squawk, “sometime he say
Ernest,” looking straight into my eyes. The reality as he was saying nothing
now giving more credence to the expression ‘never work with children or animals.’
He tried in vain to get him to say something, but nothing was going to make Reddy
talk! Anyway we instantly took a liking for one another and I ended up with the
parrot on my shoulder. (See picture and also double click on the video.) Back
to the plot now. We were even invited up on stage and had our photo taken by
one of the judges while posing in front of all the cups. The MC (master of
ceremonies) was a jolly tubby man about early 60’s. Trying really hard to make
it work (it was always going to anyway). Over the noise of the gathering throng
because people were arriving all the time and by now there must have been well over
150 at the small clearing in the middle of the village and that number was
growing all the time . He explained over the huge public address system that, “there
is no programmes as we had a bit of computer trouble this mornin.” He continued
squinting at the sheet of paper he was holding, “and I have also forgotten my
glasses.” This was becoming better by the minute........... despite this, he
heroically continued announcing the order of ceremony as well as the LOLO’s
(locally owned – locally run stalls) selling food. You’ll never guess what was
on the menu. I think you’re a few paces in front of me now! Goat curry; Goat
stew; Goat ribs and to finish, Johnny Cakes (a combination of a donut and a
cake). Mmmmm! Nice! As well as all the subsidised drinks. Anyway, on with the
contest. This years theme was ‘From the Bush to the Show’, but nobody even
cared. They were all having such a wonderful time. There were several classes
of goats. To me, a goat is goat! But not
to them. No... No... No.... How could I be so stupid! It’s easy to get me so
confused when it comes to judging goats. Firstly you have the juvenile ones.
No... don’t jump the gun ... Then there were the Creole goats. In fact there was
only one, (and he looked like the others) so he was going to win all the
prizes, i.e. 1st, 2nd and even 3rd. That’s how
it goes here! See? Then there was a Nubian class. (Still looked like all the
others to me) and finally the Boer class. Now that one was very different. A
very hairy one. (even I could tell that this one was different to the others.) The
MC called the first contestants on stage by their number and given name. Well,
that started the confusion. Apparently the numbers and names did not match at
all. More confusion while this was rectified, and still nobody cared about this
error. It’s all taken for granted things MAY go wrong. And they do! And nobody bats an eyelid. It’s all taken in good
fun. Finally, the first contestants were hauled up on stage. Each with a
handler. I think most of the goats may have had some form of stage fright. It probably
being their first time. Around the ring they were paraded (dragged in some
instances) and the MC suddenly realised not all were there . One was missing. Bob
the goat was missing. Where’s Bob.
Bob.... (Make sure you click the picture which turns to a video and you will
see Bob.) Frantically he started calling the goats name over the Sound system.
Over and over again for several minutes. It was just not there! Trying to make
the best of the situation, he asked, “does anyone have a picture of the goat because
the jodges is experts at this and can judge from a picture.” Well I never. Maybe
the picture could win. Fortunately nobody had one and the contest continued.
Bob was finally found anyway with the wrong tag round his neck (click on the
picture to get the video). And so it went on. Just like a farce. Goats being
dragged round the stage and then the inevitable happened. A goat just had to relieve
itself. Much laughter and mirth. A man with a broom miraculously appeared to
sweep the stage clean and on it went. It must have been an important event,
because the TV crew was there recording everything. After all the goats had
been paraded, the dance troops started . They called themselves ‘The Goat Girls
from Columbier.’ And then the mad ‘Fire
Dancer from Boston arrived to strut his stuff. (definitely do not miss this video. A real hoot this nutter is. (Click
on the picture for the video). While the judges deliberated.... and deliberated.
The results were going to be given at 4 in the afternoon. Too long for us to
wait so we left without knowing the final result. Will have to look in the local
paper now to find out what happened.   

On to more mundane thing then. As it was the 4th
of July, American Independence Day, festivities were taking place all over the
island. Across the road was a food tasting where many local restaurants had set
mini kitchens in tents where you could buy small tasters. Delicious. Then on to
a beach called Mary’s Boon where a beach party was being held. This time as
well as a 10 piece band, they’d organised kids from the local school to perform
with their drums. (Click on the link to watch the video.) After eating from
another LOLO on the beach swam, danced, then finally went home . What a great 4th
of July.