I should have anticipated this happening long ago. I mean, what are the odds?

I go to step on the songtaew this morning, it's fairly empty, a few girls seated and 2 young men standing on the extended platform at the back edge. But just as I put one foot on the step and shift my weight forward, the goober takes off. I flail my arms reaching for the bars that the two boys are standing between. That's when it happened. In my desperation, I frantically grabbed for anything to keep from tumbling over backwards. In this case it was a wild grab that landed right between the one kid's legs. Spot on. Couldn't have placed it better if I had been intentionally going for the gold.  A direct hit right to the kahoonas. Willy Mays in his finest moment couldn't have made a more accurate snag.

What to say? What do you do? Does Emily Post offer a proper response in such circumstances? Does Hallmark make a card for these occasions? Do you say, "Sorry I accosted your manhood?" Or a more flip "Oops, terribly sorry, thought that was the pole."  Or do you do like I do, and pretend you are totally unaware of what has transpired?

I effuse apologies and pardon mes but the truth is, there are simply no words to excuse this kind of behavior. Not in Thailand, anyway.  I stared at my feet for the rest of the trip and prayed to God I never see this kid again for the rest of my life. It's not like I can hope to fade into the crowd. Is it any wonder they think we Americans are all a bit peculiar?  

Some days I'd just like to hide under a rock.