We got Moloka’i-ed

Monday, July 02, 2012
Molokai, Hawaii, United States
2 days is too long for this let down of an island. The last hour of our trip we spent sitting in our rental car in the airport parking lot. There was nothing else to do. We took the 3 mile hike down to Kalaupapa where we learned not so much about the history of the place, then were pretty much exhausted from the uphill 26 switchback climb back. The company we payed a lot of money to basically grant our way into the place, were out of stickers, so no scrapbooking trinket. All I really wanted from this island was a taste of this world famous bread:http://travel.nytimes.com/travel/guides/north-america/united-states/hawaii/molokai/42656/kanemitsus-bakery-restaurant/restaurant-detail.html80 years this bakery has been open but 3 days before we go, they get shut down by the health dept. That was disappointing. We found a nice little coffee shop that I will forever morbidly refer to as the “Chihuahua cafe.” Yes, they served tiny dogs as lunch and I had to beg Sam to put his wife’s gag reflexes before his curiosity. The gift shop, (only place I could find a decent souvenir) closed right after we got there. The only other store never opened because Moloka’i time is whenever they feel like showing up. Defeated, we head to the park where we set up camp. That was fine there. Pretty much had the place to our selves. We had nothing to do so went to bed at about 8, though it took us about 2 hours to go to sleep since it was so sticky-hot.In the morning we went to look for “phallic-rock: which we didn’t find too similar really. Not impressive. All the same, it is considered a holy fertility rock so Sam and I agreed not to touch the thing. The over look we hiked up to was in a could, but only until we drove away. We tried to locate an orchid farm, turned out to just be a shack and a couple rows of plants. Pass. We found an old sugar cane museum so went in to check that out. The guy only took cash so we had to go back in town to hunt down an ATM. Nice of the guy though to keep the place open 20 min. past closing for us to get the whole experience. Great molasses cookies to try there, but not forgiving on a stomach that hadn’t had sugar in quite some time.Sam had wanted to go golfing but he got a blister on his hand from a coconut so that was out. We tried to eat at the restaurant that the bakery owners ran, perhaps we could at least try non-fresh bread product. Nope, the only day they are closed is Tuesday. That day. We drove around before paying $5.34 for gas and mailing out some post-card coconuts before being very ready to go home. The Moloka’i saying is, “Moe bettah.” Well, we went away feeling, “Moe Bittah.” They call this the friendly Island? Not even a little. There are signs that tell non-locals to go home and you get that "Haole, get off our island or I'll murder you in da woods." vibe. Well, at least we got a new expression for when we get screwed: We got Moloka’i-ed.

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