The Year Alex Got Everything He Wanted for Xmas

Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Central District, China
The List: x 2

It was 3rd Wednesday in November, a rainy day in New York city, and Alex was in a bit of a snit. He was in his room, having to commit time to an activity he DID NOT want to be doing, particularly on the 3rd Wednesday of November. The activity in question was, in his mother's word, to "pare down" his Christmas list because it was "unreasonable".    He did not want to "pare down" his Christmas list. It had taken him exactly 226 days (Alex was good at math) to capture all of the things currently listed before him. His mother was a lawyer, and worked for some sort of agency that helped find homes for kids other people didn't want. But that wasn't the point. What was the point was that Alex had learned that when she started using "lawyer words" like   "unreasonable" , "contractual" and "unmitigated", it was a bad sign.   Perhaps, if he had had a little more time to think, he wouldn't have said some of the things that he said....things that resulted in his current situation. Sometimes, he had learned, it was better just to answer the questions that people asked you.... and then stop talking. The problem was that Alex was very rarely capable of doing that...the stopping talking part. As a result, on this gloomy, rainy, 3rd Wednesday of November, Alex got trapped into having a conversation with his mother where he said much much more than he should have. The conversation went something like this.

Alex's Mom ( sitting in front of her computer):  "Alex, honey, could you come in here for a minute?"

Alex (sitting in front of the TV watching Disney's Hercules ) : "Why?"   (Later he would think of this as mistake number 1.  It was usually a bad idea to "cop an attitude" with his mother. ) 

Alex's Mom (in a significantly colder tone): "Because I asked you..." 

Alex had pulled himself away from the TV and, with a big sigh, sulked his way into the family "office". He was just gearing up for a bit of a whine when he was cut short 

Alex's Mom: '"Friday is 'Black Friday' and your Aunt and Uncle want to know what you want for Christmas.   What should I tell them?"   

Of course, Alex had already known that this Friday was Black Friday. Most kids his age knew this.  At least most kids living in the United States knew this. Alex couldn't be sure about kids who lived in all those other countries. But in America "Black Friday" was the Friday after Thanksgiving,   It was the biggest shopping day of the year. Alex didn't exactly know why it was called "Black" Friday...that made it sound like it was a bad day.   But as far as Alex was concerned it was a GREAT day. It was the day his mother (as well as Alex's aunts, uncles and grandparents) would get on the computer and do much of her Christmas shopping.    As a result, Alex knew that he should have his Christmas list ready before this day. OF course, Santa usually brought him his coolest gifts, but Mom and Dad weren't too shabby in the gift department either.   So, this was why Alex already had a list prepared.   In fact, he had not only prepared his own list, but he had helped his 3 year old brother Trentin write his list as well. But unfortunately, he had chosen this moment to share his list with his Mom.   In retrospect, it turned out not to be the best of moments for an actual list. He should have just answered the question. He later thought of this as mistake number 2 but at the time had plunged ahead anyway.

 "I have a list. It's almost finished" he had said, as he trotted off to get it.

When he had returned he had been carrying several sheets of paper that had been messily stapled and taped together. Each page was a multicolored list of the things he wanted. In addition to the objects on the list, he had also included a few stars, dots and check marks for each entry. When his mother gave him a quizzical look, he had started explaining the list, how he had created it, the different categories of gifts, the color coding and the symbols found at the end which designated the likely giver (Santa, Mom & Dad, little Brother etc).  

His mother had taken the list, perused it for a second and had then widened her eyes in an alarming fashion. But when she spoke her voice had had that calm, soft tone. He should have recognized it as the "I need to teach my child a lesson " tone, but he had been too caught up in his train of thought to notice.

"Honey, don't you think it's a bit much to have 156 things on your Christmas list?" she had said.

"Huh", Alex was stopped mid thought. "No. These are just the things I want" he had replied

"Sweetie" his mom had begun in an even sweeter and more dangerous tone, this was the " I may have to take away privileges to make a point" tone and Alex had often thought that he could hear "Trust in Me" from Jungle book playing gently in the background whenever she used it.   But he really hadn't been paying attention at that moment.

" There are children out there who don't even have enough food to eat" she had said with that unnatural sweetness " There are children who don't have warm clothes or homes or good schools.   These little kids would be happy just to get one present". 

Alex had heard this lecture before. His mom was always telling him that he shouldn't want too much, and that there were kids who didn't have anything.   Adults were always saying things like this.   Sure, he felt sorry for the kids who didn't have anything, and he would happily share what he had with them. He really did feel sorry for them. He had actually spent time before he went to sleep at night trying to figure out how to get food to the little starving kids on the TV commercials. He had asked the lady in the school if they couldn't just ship all the extra food that kids didn't eat to Africa. At least, the stuff that could be frozen (he wasn't stupid).  He had even offered to personally put his his uneaten green beans on dry ice and send them to starving kids more locally, almost every time his mother had served them.   But, as far as he could tell, she was the one that didn't want to share these with people less fortunate.   In any case, knowing all this DID NOT stop him from wanting things.   Only adults thought that way   

"So don't you think that Santa would find it greedy of you to be asking for 156 things when you already have so much"  she had said

Alex had pondered that for maybe a whole 5 seconds before he committed mistake number 3. 

"Well, I can add a few more things to my list, and then send it to the kids who don't have anything". he said brightly.   This had seemed "reasonable" to him at the time and it was a good start. He should have stopped there, but he didn't. 

"Besides", he had continued " I've been really good this year.   And Santa can make as many gifts as he wants, so why can't I just send him the list of everything I want. I bet other kids send lists just as long or longer. A lot of the kids in my class already have a lot of the stuff on my list. And they have new stuff all of the time. How come their parents always..." .  

At this his mother had "snapped". Maybe it was what he had said. Maybe it was his "tone". But whatever it was, her next words had lost the "sweet" quality and were short, crisp and direct.

"Because their parents aren't your parents. And because having 156 things on your Christmas list is unreasonable and greedy" she had said " Go to your room and pare that list down to the 10 things you really want...or I will do it for you".

"But Moooommm"

" Now" she had said with all the flexibility of concrete.

So here he was, trying to pick out the 10 things he wanted most from his list.  From the other room, Alex could hear his Mom call his little brother Trentin to the room to get his Christmas list.   Trentin had dutifully trotted to the room, carrying the piece of paper where Alex had written for him like it was a treasure. Trentin was only 3, so when asked what he wanted for Christmas, he usually gave answers like "I want a tree" or "I want a Turkey" or the ever popular " I want a yellow present".  Trentin was predictable that way. 

As the gloomy 3rd Wednesday of November became even gloomier in the fading light of late afternoon, Alex struggled with how to narrow down his list. But as he was reading through his loooong list, a small part of him began to think that maybe his mother was a little right. After all, if he was having this much trouble even re-reading his own list, then it was likely that Santa wouldn't be too happy about having to sort through it.   It probably would make him look just the teensiest bit greedy.   So, after considerable thought, he decided to narrow his list down to 20 things. One list of 10 things for his parents and relatives. The other list of 10 things would go directly to Santa.   He figured that this would be  "reasonable" enough.   When he was finished, his 2 lists looked like this

Alex's Christmas List (Mom and Dad version)

1) Street Surfing Whiplash Wave Scooter

2) A Lateral Drift Remote Control Helicopter

3) A Silver Pirate Ship Bank

4) 15 foot Round Trampoline Combo with Bonus Azooga Bag Toss Game

5) A turtle (Alex didn't really want one because turtles weren't as cool as, say, a Griffin. But Trentin did. Unfortunately, Trentin was too young to take care of it, so Alex thought he would ask for one and share it with him)

6) A WII or an Xbox : this was something quite big to ask but Alex thought his Mom might really want it as well... because she always said "go ask your Dad, you don't have to convince me" when he brought it up, so he thought he had a shot.

7) A Microscope

8) A hamster, with a hamster ball: an unlikely one, as his Dad had already nixed his requests for a dog, a cat, a horse, a miniature pig and even a goldfish. But he thought it was worth a try anyway.

9) Pokémon cards

10) Avengers Comic Books

Alex's List for Santa

Alex's list for Santa was quite different. Alex dreamed of different worlds. He read as much Greek Mythology as he could, within his reading capability. In his spare time, he painted Pokémon. He was fairly obsessed with all things Harry Potter. He watched Disney's "Hercules" until even his Dad knew the lyrics to all the songs. Given this, there were things that Alex REALLY REALLY wanted that he was fairly sure that Mom, Dad or even his most generous relatives would be unable to provide. It was these things, the things he wanted most , that he put on his list for Santa.

1) A magic crystal necklace that showed you the future

2) A Pet Monkey

3) A Christmas Wish Box: this was a box that was prominently featured in "the Little Einstein's" show that Alex watched religiously when he was younger... and that Trentin now watched religiously. It granted the bearer of the box one Christmas Wish.    As it seemed like it could be anything he wanted, Alex was hooked. Plus, Trentin would think it was cool.

4) A Secretary Bird : This was a fairly large and odd looking bird that was featured in Alex's favorite animal book.

5) A real Pikachu Pokémon: While Alex had made up some of his own Pokémon, it seemed safer to ask for a classic as a gift.

6) A Griffin : he loved the Griffins he read about in his Mythology books and thought it would be super cool to have one as a pet. .

7) An Ipad: His Mom had an Iphone. His Dad had an Ipad. Alex knew that they wouldn't buy him one, as they said he was too young. But he thought Santa might be a bit softer.

8) A Kingfisher: he wasn't really sure what this was, but he thought it was some kind of bird, and it had a great name. So he wanted one.

9) A thermometer that would tell the temperature of anything he put it on, this was really for Trentin as well because Trentin was strangely obsessed with thermometers...weird.

and, the last was a big one.

10) To be made a god: This one was the direct result of watching the aforementioned "Hercules" who spends the greater part of the movie trying to reclaim his godhood.

After a second read through, Alex decided that this was pretty good and stuffed it in the drawer of his bedside table until later.

Santa replies through the Power of Email

Alex had finished this list by dinner time, but as Alex was very smart boy, he decided that it was better to give the lists o his parents after the " daddy comes home, dinner, and bath" insanity.   This was the time that he and Trentin usually sat down with Mom and Dad to read a book, or watch a TV show, or whatever else piqued the family interest.    On this particular night, Trentin had asked to watch an episode of the "Backgardigans". Actually, asked was a bit of an understatement. What actually occurred was more similar to a cowboy herding reluctant cows toward a holding pen, with Trentin acting as cowboy and the rest of the family in the roles of "cow".   When Alex went willingly, his mother shot him a questioning glance. There was usually a bit of a battle between him and his brother on nights that the family chose to watch TV, as any self respecting 6 year old will not willingly submit himself to the treacle like tastes of your average 3 year old.    But tonight, Alex had other things on his mind. Once the family had settled itself on to their couch, Alex excused himself to get his list. When he returned, he was holding both lists proudly.   As he snuggled next to his Mom, he handed her his "List for Mom and Dad". 

"I see you finished your list" she said as she scanned it, with a bit of a crooked smile on her face. " I am proud of you for getting it down to 10. I didn't mean to snap at you before, but I don't want you to grow up to be selfish and greedy. People like that can have a hard time in life." 

"I know, Mom" he said, giving her a hug.  

"What's that?" she asked, noticing that he had not given all of the sheets of paper to her

"It's my Christmas list for Santa" he said, a bit tentatively. She gave the "give it here" motion, so he handed it over a bit sheepishly. He wondered if she would consider that "greedy" but she only smiled

"Wow" she said, handing the list over to his Dad, who raised his eyebrows and smiled. "That's a pretty tough list...even for Santa". 

"So, can you email it to Santa?" he asked. His mother was lucky enough to have Santa's direct email address. She told him that one of her clients had a friend who knew an elf.    So most of his lists to Santa were sent twice. The first one was sent via email. The second would be mailed near Christmas time. Alex thought Santa would like it better if he got one hand written list directly from him.

"Ok" she said, " I suppose it has to be now?"  Alex smiled and nodded as he headed for her office.

Once in the office, his mother dutifully sat down in front of her computer and typed his list into an email. She then clicked the "Send" button, and off it went.   She then turned to Alex with a soft smile.

"Honey, I don't want you to be too disappointed if you don't get the things on this list" she said. "These are really hard things to give someone. Some of them are hard to find. Others are almost impossible to grant. Like, I don't think Santa can make you a god. "

At this point the computer made that little "ping" sound that indicates an incoming email.

"Well, I thought Santa was magic. If he is magic, then he should be able to do anything" Alex replied. "Besides, if I was a god, then I could fix everything. Like the problem with the hungry kids on TV. Or I could make a home for that guy who lives on the street down the block".

"Maybe. But things rarely work out the way you think they will. And some things that people want aren't really good for them.   For example, if we allowed Trentin to do it, he would do nothing but eat ice cream all day"

Alex giggled. It was true.

"But that would be very bad for him and" his mother continued as absently turned back to her computer and opened up the new email and her words were cut short.  Alex saw his mothers eyes widen alarmingly. She was also turning very very pale.

"Mom"

She said nothing, but she was reading and quietly mouthing the words. She only did this when she was very focused.

"MOM. What is it?" he said, leaning forward to look over her shoulder.

"It is an email to you" she replied. "From Santa"

Alex suddenly felt as if everything were slowing down. His heart began to pound. He had never had an email from Santa before. He had heard from some other kids that they got emails from Santa, but he had suspected that they were lying.   But, from his mother's reaction, he was pretty darn sure that this one was real.

"Can I read it?" he said, leaning over her shoulder.

"NO" his mother replied quickly and turned off the computer monitor. 

"There is a part of it that is only for me" she replied more calmly. " I will read it to you in a little bit. Can you go watch TV for a little bit while I talk to Daddy.   Can you go get him please?"

"MOOOMMMMM. I got an email from SANTA. SANTA. I want to see it"

"NOW!"

So Alex dutifully fetched his father and plopped down on the sofa next to Trentin, who immediately began an game of "try to put my butt in my big brother's face". His parents stayed in the office for what seemed like an eternity.   When they returned, his father had turned as pale as his mother had been

"Can I read it now?' Alex said jumping up.

"Your mother will read it to you" his father responded with a very serious expression. This was odd because his father was almost never serious. " But before she does, I want you to know that you are being given a very special honor. And you should think very carefully before you do anything. "

"OK" he replied " But can we read it now?!?"

His mother picked up the paper and began to read".

"Dear Alex", she began

"I got the email from your mother with your Christmas list.   I must admit to you that this is a challenging list...even for me. But I have a particular unit of elves who are specialists in making the "impossible" possible.   They have a secret website, with an address that I only give out to boys and girls who have been exceptional during the year. I am not sure if you know this, but I make sure that every girl or boy in the world has a guardian elf. This is an elf that watches them every day to see if they are being naughty or nice.   This year I have gotten extremely good reports on you from Alonso, your elf. I was particularly impressed with the time you let your little brother cut your hair. I know that your mother was not happy about that, but I was very touched by the fact that you cared about his happiness than you did about how you looked.   Al took some video footage of this, and we all truly enjoyed seeing you both laugh so much. I must say that your hair really did look funny when he was done.   But this was just one example. All year you have really tried to be kind, considerate and loving to your family and to strangers. I also saw it when you gave your favorite Pokémon card to that man who begs for money near your building.   This was very kind of you. I might add that he also works for me. So he has told me that you talk to him every day and that you are very polite and considerate.   Also, you are always defending Olivia at school when Hugo tries to pick on her...even though the other kids make fun of you for doing it, because she picks her nose and eats it. All in all, there is something special about you that I want to reward in a very important way.

So, all of that being said, I am attaching a link to the website I mentioned.   The address is www.everythingIwantforchristmas.com  Your login will be "Alex".   Your password will be "Pokémon". You will be asked to enter the 10 things you want most for Christmas.   You can then list any 10 things you want. It doesn't have to be the same ones that you sent me just now. You can change your mind if you like. In fact, I think it is better if you think about your list very carefully before you decide the things you want. And I must insist that you let your mother type the things in, as it is extremely important that there are no mistakes.   After the list has been received, all you need to do is wait. As I mentioned above, responding to these Christmas lists is the job of a very special and highly trained group of elves. So, because of that, they are on a different schedule. You will get ALL ten gifts you ask for on the afternoon of Christmas Eve.

Congratulations on a great year and I hope you have a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS

With love,

Santa"

Alex just sat there for a moment. He couldn't believe it.   An email from Santa! A secret website! Any 10 things he wanted!. How could he have gotten so lucky?!?! Sure, he thought he had been pretty good that year, but not THAT good.    At this point, Alex started screaming and jumping around the room. He couldn't help himself.   His mother just sat there. She was smiling but it was an strange smile.  

"Mom" he said "I get whatever 10 things I want! Anything! Pull up the website!!"

" Alex" his mother said " We are not going to look at it tonight. Did you hear what Santa said? We will do it tomorrow. But between now and then, you should think more about your list" With that, she insisted that they stop all conversation about this, as she didn't want Trentin to know about it. 

That night Alex could hardly sleep. He kept thinking about his list. When the next day finally came and he wrestled his Mom to the computer, the webpage that came up was very simple. In fact, there was nothing much to it. There were no pictures. There were no "words" to speak of. There was only a green, white and red striped background. In the center of the page there was a white field where there were spots to type in 10 things. At the bottom right of this screen was a button which said "activate list".   So, very slowly and very carefully Alex's mom typed out his list. In the end, he had decided that his original list was the best because it was the first one. After his mother had finished typing, she read the list back to him

"Are you sure about these things?" she asked when she was finished

"Yes" said Alex

"Is everything correct? Look at everything. Look at the spelling. Look at what is capitalized and what is not." Alex read through the list again

"Yes" he said

"Ok" his mother said and then, with a small sigh, she clicked "activate list". Then the screen simply went blue. It looked a bit like a computer crash. After a few seconds, their normal home page appeared, which was nothing extraordinary....just a search engine.   And that was it. Alex didn't know what he was expecting. Snow to fall in his mother's office? The smell of peppermint and chocolate to permeate the air? ITunes to spontaneously play Bing Crosby's "Christmas in Killarney"?   But none of these things happened.   He turned around to see his father standing in the door of the office. No, he had not grown a Santa beard and belly.   When he looked back at his mother, she just gave a little shrug. 

"I guess we are just going to have to wait until Christmas Eve" she said. 

The Eternity Waiting Game:

And wait he did. He had 30 days to wait until Christmas eve.   At first it was really hard, particularly during that post Thanksgiving weekend with its pre Christmas sales and all the holiday decor going up. But, once school resumed, things seemed to speed along at a quicker pace. The second week of December, Trentin got a nasty ear infection and kept everyone awake at night for 2 or 3 days, until the antibiotics kicked in.   And then Alex had to prepare for his very first round of pre Christmas tests.   These two things caused enough flurried activity that a good 10 days passed fairly quickly.   But by the time December 23rd had rolled around, time had slowed to a snail like crawl...as it always does JUST BEFORE a long awaited event. When it was finally time to go to bed that evening, his mother tucked him in and told him that he would not be going to school tomorrow because she didn't know exactly when his gifts would arrive and he would need to be present. She also told him that she was going taking the day off work and that, after nursery school, Trentin would be having an afternoon play date with his little girlfriend so that he would be out of the house until 6 or 7 that evening. 

Breakfast with the family and seeing Trentin off to school seemed to take an eternity.    His mother spent a good part of the morning in her office reviewing contracts. But she seemed to have become obsessive about her Iphone...as she had what seemed to be a apoplexy when she couldn't find her charger.   She scoured every room in the house, swearing under her breath, until she finally found it in her computer bag.   Alex was going crazy with anticipation. He paced the house. He went to his mother's office and watched her type. He flipped through his comic books, sighing. Finally, his mother told him to go watch a movie because he was driving her crazy.   Neither of them knew what time his gifts would be delivered, just that it would be "afternoon".   Once, at 12:02 pm both he and his mother were startled by the sound of something at the window. He jumped up from his spot in front of the TV and his mother had run from her office....but it turned out to just be a pigeon.   His mother mumbled something like "worse than the cable guy" as she stalked back to the office.

Alex Gets His Wishes
His" gifts" arrived, fittingly, at 12:25 pm.    With a loud THUMP a large green and red striped box appeared in the middle of their living room, right next to their Christmas tree. On it was a tag that simply said "Open me".    Alex went up to the box slowly. Suddenly, he was anxious, but he didn't know why.   Maybe the whole thing was a little too "Alice in Wonderland". But suddenly, he didn't want to open the box, didn't want any of the things on his list.   "You're just being a scardy cat" he told himself.   His mother came into the room to investigate the sound, and when she saw the box, she too looked apprehensive.   Alex went over to it and tried to pick it up, but it was too heavy to budge. So he sat down next to it and rapped it with his knuckles a few times. It made a strange, almost hollow, sound.  

"Well" his mother said "Are you going to open it?"  It was not said with any tone of challenge or mockery but it got him going none the less.

"Yep" he said as he began to untie the bow.   Within a few seconds, he had pulled off all the wrapping paper to reveal a plain white box.   He had some trouble with the tape, so his mother gave him some scissors.   Finally, he opened the box and looked at what was inside.

Inside the box were 10 small objects:  a tiny necklace, a brown plastic monkey, a small silver box, a tiny yellow Pokémon figure, a figure of a strange looking tall bird, what looked to be a golden chess piece, a doll sized thermometer, a plastic computer, a miniature airplane and a figure of a fat infant with wings. 

Alex just stared at them for a moment. Was this a joke? Or was it some sort of punishment for being "greedy"? After all, there were 10 things, and most of them could be one of the things he asked for.   He waited, but nothing happened.   Could Santa really be that mean? Or maybe it wasn't even really Santa. Maybe it was just some weird person who sent them an email. Or a relative who was teaching him a lesson? Could it be his Mom?   But she was standing right next to him by now, looking into the box, and she looked equally perplexed. 

With eyes now filling up with tears, Alex looked back into the box. There they were: a necklace, a monkey, a small box that he guessed could be the wish box, a Pikachu Pokémon, the bird did look a lot like the secretary bird, a chess piece in the shape of a griffin, a thermometer, and a replica of an Ipad.    He had no idea why there was a miniature airplane and a fat cherub. Maybe those were all they could find.   In disgust, he shoved the box away from him and it topped over, spilling its contents. Still nothing happened. His mother picked up the small airplane. She smiled just a little bit as she held it out to him. On the side, it said "Kingfisher Air".   An airline named Kingfisher. How funny.    Alex could feel himself on the verge of a serious cry, and was standing up to go to his room, when his mother grabbed his shoulder.   She was pointing to where he had thrown the wrapping paper. There, shining and hovering a few feet in the air, was what they had took to be a label...directing them to open the package. Instead, it appeared to be an envelope.    Alex stepped forward and reached out. It felt cool to the touch when he plucked it from the air.    It was indeed an envelope.    And then, as he opened it, the envelope disappeared in his hands, replaced by thousands of silver, gold, red and green sparkles that whirled and danced around the room. 

Looking back, Alex would think that what happened next seemed to take an hour, but in truth it probably took less than 15 minutes.   First, the objects on the floor began to shake.    Then they began to glow green.   Some of them began to spin, while other merely levitated a few inches above the ground.   The sparkles from the envelope were still in the air and a few got caught in his eyelashes. In the time it had taken to wipe his eye, a monkey appeared right in the middle of their living room. A real live spider monkey!!

"My monkey!"  Alex cried out.   And it was a real monkey alright.   It immediately jumped from the floor to the Christmas tree, and scrambled up it, causing it to tip over and crash into their entertainment center. The monkey shrieked and dashed from the room. Alex had just narrowly missed being hit by the tree, but now he had other concerns because, there, also in the middle of their living room, was a huge beast. It had the head and wings of an eagle, but the body of a lion. Admittedly, it was smaller than a lion you would see at the zoo, but it still dwarfed their living room and looked completely capable of ripping him to shreds within seconds.    And it might have done just that, if something else hadn't caught its eye.   That something else turned out to be a shiny and beautiful crystal necklace laying in the middle of their living room rug.    So, being half bird and all, the griffin grabbed the necklace and headed towards the back of their apartment.  

Alex, who had been slowly backing away since the appearance of the griffin, now collided with his mother.   She was staring in the other direction at a giant bird. It was almost as tall as an ostrich but had strange and spiky plumage on the top of its head.    "Your Secretary Bird" she said in a voice that only trembled a little. The bird, hearing her, made a horrible squawking sort of sound and reached out to snap at her. She moved just in time to miss the beak. Suddenly a necklace appeared around the birds neck that said "Administrative Assistant Bird".      It now grabbed the fully functioning Ipad that had appeared next to it and flew off to roost on their dining room table.   

Alex, aware of the griffin at the back of the house, had not turned his back on the hall corridor but now, behind him, from the proximity of the kitchen, there came a sound that sounded way too much like lightening followed by a loud "eeeeek" and the smell of singed hair.    The monkey came bolting out of the kitchen and landed on the dining room table, colliding with the Secretary Bird, which had now discovered how to open Microsoft Outlook on the Ipad. And, from a quick glance, seemed to be booking play dates for Alex with kids he didn't like.   

But Alex didn't have time to worry about this as he had become caught in what seemed to be a miniature tornado emanating from the figurine of a cherub.   His hair was pulled uncomfortably. His clothes began to feel papery. All of this was associated with a strong smell of roses. Then the figurine vanished and the whirl wind stopped. But Alex was left standing naked in the dining room save for what seemed to be a bow, a quiver of arrows with heart shaped heads, and what appeared to be a giant diaper.    "Cupid" his mind thought frantically "did it have to be Cupid?"     He briefly noted that he should have been more specific in his "god" request before a total stranger came up and tapped him on the arm. It was a man in a uniform that said "Kingfisher Air". He had a name tag which read "Ranjit".

"Excuse me" he said "Santa re-routed our flight to Delhi.   So, it goes without saying that some of our passengers are a bit upset. Particularly the business class customers.    Do you have a Wi-Fi? Some of them would like to be able to connect so that they can log in at work and tell them what is happening?"  The man didn't seem to be put off at all by the fact that he was talking to a 6 year old dressed in a diaper.

"But it's Christmas Eve, are they working?" was the thing that Alex's mouth spit out, independent of his brain, which had apparently gone on vacation for the afternoon.   But he wouldn't' lack for company as the apartment was now filled with what seemed to be at least 25 people he didn't know. Most of them were men, and most were wearing glasses or carrying computer bags...none of whom seemed to be freaking out about suddenly appearing in a medium sized Manhattan apartment without landing, debarking, airport security or even an actual plane.

"Our passengers are mainly IT professionals" the Flight Attendant whispered back, as though that explained everything.

About half said professionals were now finding places in chairs, on couches, and on the floor, where they started pulling out their laptops. 

"Get OUT of my medicine cabinet"  Alex heard his mother yell, followed by the sound of a male voice saying "OK, but a few of us really need to use the restroom. The fasten seatbelts light has been on since we got on the plane 3 hours ago".   As Alex rounded the corner from the living room to the hall , he saw that roughly 10 of the IT folks were in a line for the bathroom.

"Fine" his mother snapped back, "but stay out of the ALL the cabinets. If I find you have appropriated ANYTHING I will make you sorry you were born". His mother was apparently dealing with the insanity of all this by falling into "work" mode.

There was another sizzling crackle sound followed by a sort of yelp. Another one of the IT professionals came stumbling out of the kitchen, cradling his hand and saying " I thought Pikachu was supposed to be friendly".  

A shriek coming from the back of the apartment caused Alex to whirl around quickly, accidentally poking one of the passengers with one of his arrows.    "Sorry" he muttered, only to hear the guy mutter, "She's soooooo beautiful".   Yet another of the Kingfisher Air passengers came running around the corner, holding his laptop with one hand and what was left of his trousers with the other. He had been in search of an additional electrical outlet, and had wandered into the back bedroom, where apparently the Griffin was making a nest out of the remains of Alex and Trentin's beds and bed sheets. In retaliation for this invasion of privacy, it had decided to add some pieces of the poor guys trousers and a belt to its masterpiece.   From the smell of the retreating victim, fecal matter had become involved in this scenario in some way. 

Back in the living room t there was a flash of light, more sparkles in the air, followed by a contented sigh from all the people holding laptops.   One of the plane passengers was sitting next to the tree, with the opened magic wish box in his hands and a beatific smile on his face.   "Long range Wifi with low power consumption" sighed a man sitting near Alex.  

"GET...OFF...ME ...RIGHT...NOW" he heard his mother yell. 

She was now standing in the door of her office. She was holding her Iphone in one hand, trying to type something, while holding off the guy who had recently been pricked with Alex's arrow.

"But I LOVE YOU" he sobbed as he reached for her.

" I said BACK OFF"

But the man would not be thwarted, he grabbed her around the waist and planted a kiss on her. She was forced to drop her Iphone in order to get him off her.   But she had the presence of mind to kick it in the direction of Alex. 

" Get my phone" she screamed as she shoved her forearm in the man's Adam's apple. 

Alex ran forward and grabbed the phone.

"What do I do?!?!?" he called

"Dial Santa"  she called back

"What's his number?!?"   Alex called back frantically

"No, no. Dial the numeric for Santa" she yelled back. But it was just at that moment, there was another lightening sound, this time coming from the dining room. With the sound came a feeling of "tingle" in the air and a smell like ozone. When Alex looked down at the Iphone, there was no signal.  He looked around helplessly, as his mother grabbed a Constitutional Law Hornbook from her office and beaned the guy assaulting her. It gave her just enough time to lock him in the office, but he started battering the door with what looked to be their office chair.

"Alex, dial 72689", she called out. 

"But" he started to yell back, but then thought "we have a land line in the kitchen". So he ran down the hall toward the kitchen, but tripped over a power cord and went sprawling into the dining room, knocking over a chair and falling into the dining room table and the Secretary Bird.   The bird screeched at him and then typed the words " John Ashcroft" into a meeting entitled "Brunch". Alex didn't know any kid named "John Ashcroft" but somehow he suspected that he wouldn't like him. 

He pulled himself up and dashed for the kitchen and the phone on the wall.   Thankful that his father had insisted on having a land line installed, despite some eye rolling from his mother. His mother had said that they would never use it, and she had mainly been right. But his father had insisted on it in case of a disaster of some sort. Well, this certainly qualified.

He made it to the kitchen, jumped over a startled Pikachu, who had now raided the fridge and was eating the fruitcake that his Great Aunt Dessie had brought over. Amazingly, it seemed to like it.  

Alex grabbed the phone and dialed 72689.   At first nothing seemed to change.    He wondered if it had worked, when he heard unnaturally perky female voice say "Thank you for calling Santa today. Your Christmas list will be deactivated in 60 seconds...59....58..."  Alex put the phone on speaker just as he heard his mother scream. He ran back to the office, just in time to see the Monkey make off down the hall with his mothers' Christmas necklace. The one he had given her when he was 4 and that she wore every Christmas season, despite the fact that the beads were made out of plastic and it was, quite frankly, ugly.     But that had not been what caused her to scream. The scream came from having her arm grabbed suddenly by the guy in the office, who had managed to splinter the door enough to get his hand through. Alex had never seen the full movie "the Shining" but he had seen ads for it...and the similarity to the current situation was a little too close for comfort. Alex grabbed his Mom and pulled her loose.

" I called the number" he yelled over the din of the Griffin who was shrieking in the back room for some reason or another.

"60 seconds" they both said at the same time, to Alex' s surprise.

His mother grabbed him and pulled him down into one corner of the living room with her. In the other room, the voice from the phone was saying "7....6...5...4...3...2...1...Deactivated"  With that a wind came up INSIDE their apartment. Papers began fluttering. Books then toppled from the shelf. Alex began to feel a "sucking" sensation coming from the center of their living room.   Something that looked like a whirlpool was forming in the middle of their Turkish rug.   Threads of the rug were unraveling and being pulled into a hole that was widening by the second. 

The Secretary Bird was the first to be pulled into the hole, taking the Ipad with her. Pikachu was next, pulled into the hole, with a mouth full of fruitcake.   And so it went that, one by one, all of the things on Alex's "list" got sucked into the hole, which made sounds that were disturbingly similar to the sounds of digestion. The singed Monkey was pulled from the kitchen where it had been perched, and pooping, on top of the fridge after harassing Pikachu one too many times.   Then all the passengers from Kingfisher air, one unfortunately caught in the act of doing what one does in the toilet.   Followed by the used Christmas Wish Box. .   The Griffin held out valiantly but even in the midst of the commotion, Alex noticed that it appeared somehow thinner, or more transparent. But eventually, it too was pulled into the vortex, magical crystal necklace and thermometer firmly in claw. The last things to go were Alex's own attire. The quiver, along with bow and arrows, were yanked from him. Even the diaper disengaged itself and was deposited in the yaw of the carpet.   Alex wasn't sorry to see that go. It had been chafing him.  

All was quiet for a moment. Then they heard a banging from the back of the apartment. It was the guy locked in the office. His mother ran back, unlocked the door and yanked it open. The man looked dazed and no longer seemed obsessed with possessing "the goddess", as he had been calling her.  "Where am...?"  he started.  But he didn't get any further.   The hole in the carpet reappeared and the man was sucked away in an instant.    It was so quiet that they could hear the voice on the phone saying "New Christmas list activated..."

And just as quickly as it had opened up, the hole closed but not before three things happened. First, all of the damage done to the house from all the commotion was gone...just gone. As if nothing had ever happened. Alex even had his clothes back. Second, something that looked like liquid light spewed forth from the hole and into different parts of the room, where it formed little glowing balls, Very quickly the balls began to take shape, forming 1) A Christmas tree , 2) a roast turkey on the table and 3) one small present sitting under the tree. Lastly, just as the hole closed, a letter came floating out. It dropped at Alex's feet. The note said "To Alex, From Santa" . Alex got up slowly and picked it up from where it lay on their completely undamaged Turkish rug, It read as follows...

"Dear Alex,

" First I want to tell you that what I told you in my email was true. I DO only let the very best children have access to my website.   And clearly you have been a lovely boy all year. You are sweet natured and kind to your parents. You take care of your little brother and play with him to a point that I consider beyond the call of duty for an older brother.   You watch a little bit too much TV, but as it doesn't seem to keep you from other pursuits, I can let that slide. So it was no accident that I sent your mother that email.

It is also true, as you have seen, that you really do get all the things on your list.   But, as you might have guessed by now, the reason that I give the best children access to this site is NOT so that they can have everything they want.   Or at least that is not my intention.   My hope, when I set up this website, was to be able to teach children some important life lessons while they are still young enough for them to sink in. I have found that only the very best children are capable of doing this. And if they can, they tend to grow up to be truly remarkable adults.   

So, what are these lessons? First is an old saying, that I made up more years ago than I care to mention...but it has stuck. In fact, it is still fairly popular.   And it is "be careful what you ask for, as you may get it".   As you have no doubt learned, getting everything is not all it's cracked up to be. Things are very rarely as exciting in reality as they are in our imaginations.   Which leads me to the second lesson   This is a lesson that is even harder to learn. In truth, most adults never learn it no matter how hard I try to teach them.  And it is this, when it comes to things above and beyond the basic human needs, "wanting is often much better than having".  "Having" almost always comes with lots of responsibilities attached. But dreaming is free. And the joy you have in dreaming about a thing, in letting it drive your imagination is usually worth far more than anything you can hope to get out of actually getting "the thing".

There was a young man many many years ago who was taught these same lessons. And he learned them well. He learned the value of giving over receiving. He learned that those things that are most precious are both free and fragile. Love. Kindness. Generosity. Strength. Compassion.   That young man learned the lesson so well that he was later given a red coat, a hat, and a handful of flying reindeer and blessed with the chance to bring joy to children all around the world.

So, I guess what I want to say is that I hope that these lessons will help you to grow up to be as lucky as I have been.   

With Love,

Santa

P.S. I should say that your Mom and Dad were great children too. I was privileged to know them for just a bit. They may seem all tough on the outside, but you and I know better. Give them a kiss and cuddle for me

P.P. S. The gifts in your house now are the ones from Trentin's Christmas List, who is also a very special and loving child. I hope you enjoy them...and him "

As Alex finished reading the letter, he wiped at his eyes a little self consciously. But when he turned around he found that his mother had also been reading the letter over his shoulder, and her eyes were shining with tears.     She went, knelt before him, put her hands on either side of his face, and gave him a kiss on the forehead. He put his arms around her and gave her a huge hug.

"Mom" he said "did you guys know what would happen?"

"Some of it" she replied. "We knew what Santa was trying to teach you, and we knew why. We felt so proud that he thought you were worth this lesson."

"But weren't you scared" he asked "Suppose you had been hurt? Or I had been hurt?"

"A was scared a bit " she said " But Santa assured me that nothing would happen that couldn't be made right."

"And you knew it was really Santa" he asked

"Yes" she said

"How?"

"I met him once...when I was little. It's a very long story, but let's just say that I was a very curious and very stubborn little girl."They both sat for a moment, basking in the silence, the smell of the turkey and the twinkling lights on the tree. 

"I guess Trentin had a better list, huh?" Alex said.

His mother laughed. "Well, Trentin is 3. His wants and needs are more simple"

"I hope they stay that way" Alex said softly

"You do?'

"Yes. I do" he got up and walked over to the tree, with the one present underneath.   When he saw the present , a lump formed in his throat. Because the one small yellow present under the tree had a name tag on it, and it said "For Alex".   Trentin, it seems, had asked for a gift for Alex. He picked it up and held it to his chest. His Mom came up and put her arms around him.   Then she stood up straight and wiped her eyes.   She looked at the clock, which said "1:01".  

" I think I'll call your Father and tell him that everyone is OK. My guess is that he would like to come home early. And I'll call and cancel Trentin's play date" she said. " I think I would like to have the family home together for the evening"

"Yeah, that sounds nice" Alex said, smiling.

"But I think we don't need to tell Daddy the part about that guy in the office, do you?" she winked

Alex smiled. 

That evening, their family had a lovely Christmas Eve turkey, courtesy of Trentin and Santa.   Then they opened one present each, as was their custom.   And as they all sat under the Christmas tree, with Trentin becoming very concerned about the proper positioning of Santa's cookies, Alex thought of the Wish Box.    He didn't know if all the passengers from the Kingfisher Air flight were real, but if they were he hoped that they made it safely to their final destination and had all the "Wifi" that they wanted    He didn't know if the Griffin was real, but he hoped that if it was then I had a nice nest somewhere.    He hoped that Pikachu and the Monkey made it safely back to wherever it was they came from.     And what he felt, sitting there with his family and thinking these thoughts, was something close to joy.

And Santa was right, it cost nothing at all. 



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2025-02-17

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