Diving increases your awesome rating and makes you better looking. True story. Orrrr maybe just the first one. Let's face it, no matter how you look at it scuba diving isn't the hottest sport. There's no sexy way to slip into your wetsuit before you hock up a greeny to rub around your mask to stop it fogging up and I'm sorry but who in hell discovered that? Once you surface after the dive you remove your mask and your sinuses unceremoniously dump their contents onto your face, and then there's the task of exiting the water before your last shred of dignity abandons you. There's no way to look cool as you claw your way up a ladder to flop onto the deck of a boat, clad in neoprene and panting like a phone pervert.
I'd only ever dived from boats until I got to Cyprus where I was introduced to the joys of shore diving which redefines ritual humiliation. Once you've wiped the mucus from your face, you hop around waist deep in the water trying to get your fins off before clambering over rocks clutching your fins in one hand and trying to steady yourself with the other, weighted around the waist with your tank strapped to your BCD hoping that a wave doesn't knock you off balance and onto your back leaving you waving your arms and legs around like a stranded turtle trying to get a purchase on something so you can lever yourself onto your front. Nope, grace and finesse are not prerequsites of becoming a diver.
But I'm not gonna lie to you, I bloody love diving. Sky, scuba, muff, you name it, and no, I don't think there's a single lesbian diver on the planet that hasn't used that as their Facebook status at some point or other.
In order to remain what passes as sane in my world, during my lengthy period of unemployment I worked for a bloke in exchange for dives of the scuba variety. Lots of people dive in Cyprus mainly on account of the fact there's fuck all else to do, but also because Cyprus is a
ridiculously safe place to dive. Like, mind numbingly safe. There's no sharks that could take a
fancy to your extremities, no current to speak of to sweep you away to your doom, no poisonous stuff cunningly disguised as rocks for you to accidently put your hand on. You might get glared at by a moray eel or have the dire misfortune to look up as a bloke in Speedos swims overhead but your biggest risk is getting a mildly irritating sting from a fireworm or actually just dying of boredom.
So yeah, the diving here isn't going to get you wet in any way apart from the obvious but when you love diving, every dive is an awesome dive. Unless you drown. In which case it's not so awesome.
But the best thing about diving in Cyprus? That would be the Zenobia shipwreck then which was named as one of the top 10 wreck dive sites in the world in 2003 so clearly Cyprus haven't let anyone forget this fact. Holy fuck, it's awesome. I'll never get bored of it, I've dived it 6 times so far and every time it never ceases to amaze me. The ro-ro ferry sank on her maiden voyage back in June 1980, taking 104 trucks with her. She now rests on her port side at 42 metres, with her starboard side at 16 metres, the trucks still secured to the deck, straining at their chains. No human lives were lost, she took a couple of days to sink a mere 20 minute boat trip from Larnaca, but one of the trucks was carrying livestock and the bones of the animals remain. I think what intrigues me, aside from the fact it's the only wreck I've dived, is the recognisable elements that seem so out of context underwater. The lifeboat and the propeller, the trucks jumbled in heaps at different angles, the huge ro-ro doors at the stern of the wreck.
Something else that keeps me interested is the marine life, it's so much more abundant than at the over fished shore dive sites. You still get the moray eels poking their heads out of whatever nook or cranny they've decided to make their home, but as soon as you descend and kneel on the ship you're surrounded by curious fish which follow you as you swim the length of the wreck. There are large grouper as well as barracuda.
Fuck. Barracuda. Oh yeah, so they're not great white sharks, but you try swimming past fish with pointy teeth and a penchant for shiny things when you have 30 piercings. Every time I dive on the Zenobia I consider it a bonus if my face doesn't get eaten by a barracuda.
So anyway, I'm at PADI Rescue Diver level now, Alpha Divers took me through this course, which means I'm skilled in the art of shouting, "I'm an emergency first responder, I can help you!" at unconscious people, fully qualified to slap you in the face and signal for you to chill out and man the fuck up if you start to panic whilst 30 metres under the water and can be trusted to perform mouth to mouth without trying to slip you the tongue.
Hell yeah, you're so totally in safe hands with me.
Diving; Not Gonna Get You Laid
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Λάρνακα, Larnaca, Cyprus
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