Well, folks, we're in Phuket. And let me get this out of the way right off the bat: Phuket kinda sucks. Sorry, but it's true, it really does. We sorta knew that coming in, and it hasn't really confounded that expectation at all. If anything, what we've seen so far has reinforced it.

But Phuket is the main airport that's the jumping-off point to surrounding islands, so our one day here was always going to be a bit of a necessary evil; a means to an end, of sorts. And, after getting off on rather the wrong foot here, we did manage to turn things around a bit and make the best of it. Somewhat. Kinda.

Our trip here yesterday from Siem Reap was uneventful in terms of the flights themselves, which went smoothly and were even a few minutes early. It was a bit frustrating in terms of the actual airport experiences, mind you. We had originally booked a direct flight from Siem Reap to Phuket, but that got cancelled and we were rebooked to connect via Bangkok. On a budget airline like Air Asia, we anticipated this would mean we'd have to clear immigration, exit from international arrivals, re-enter at domestic departures, clear security again, and then head out. Right? Wrong.

It turns out that Air Asia, in booking us through on the same ticket, had us make use of their handy transfer service that brought us to a separate customs line and then straight through to the domestic security and departure gates. A real time-saver. Except that all the errands we needed to accomplish on our layover -- currency exchange, SIM card top-ups, etcetera -- were only available at, you guessed it, the landside international arrivals area. Which meant we had to make a mad dash back out of the airport, to the other terminal, to the AIS booth for phone credit, then downstairs to arrivals... only to find all the currency exchange counters closed. Back up to the third floor where we finally, on the departures level, found the apparently only open exchange desk in the entire airport. I don't get it. But whatever. Then back to domestic departures and back through security again. 

A stop-off at 7-Eleven for some water and packaged sandwiches to eat when we landed in Phuket, since we'd be getting in too late to go out for dinner. Then the race to the furthest possible gate in the airport at the ends of the universe. And we made it with twenty minutes to spare. That's some ninja stuff right there.

Landing in Phuket, we immediately ran into the next scam I'd been warned about: The taxi mafia. Even prepared, they nearly got us. We went to the taxi booth and paid the whopping 700 baht (just under $30 Canadian) for the airport taxi ride to the city. After weeks of $1 tuk-tuk rides and taxis never costing more than a fiver, Phuket is a bit of a shock to the pocketbook, though compared to North American or European prices it's not bad. We got our receipt and went to where we thought we were directed, only to be yelled at by a very loud taxi worker who to us to go wait in line. After a few minutes, we were directed to follow a driver... and so was another traveller, who was apparently going to Karon Beach, which is, um, nowhere near Phuket town. He got in the front seat. The driver loaded our bags in the back. Um, something's not right here; we paid for a private taxi, not a multi-stop shared ride around the island at ten at night, thanks anyway. We got out of the taxi, insisted on getting our bags back, and went back to the taxi stand only to be yelled at again that we would have to wait a "very very long time" for a taxi. Nope, I said, give me my money back. Well, that did it; a couple of minutes later, we were ushered to our own private taxi who took us directly to our hotel. Not the nicest welcome to Phuket, but we made it.

We checked into our hotel in the centre of the Old Town of Phuket, which was hopping at 10:30 at night when we arrived. The hotel here is a bit of a treat: It's a historic building, actually the oldest hotel in Phuket. And, before undergoing renovations in 2013, it stood in for Khao San Road in Bangkok in the movie The Beach. You know that dilapidated run-down place where Leo DiCaprio's character stays in the opening scenes, when he meets Daffy and gets the map? Yep, that's this place. Though unlike in the movie, it's not actually in Bangkok at all but here in Phuket, it's not actually dilapidated but actually quite lovely, and as far as I know, there are no crazy guys running around the hallways. As it happens, the room we're staying in is, allegedly, the very same one that Leo did in the movie. There's even a photo of him by the bed. Awwww.

(Side note: There's about to be a lot of content about The Beach, because of where we are, and all the backpackers who come down to Maya Bay and Koh Phi Phi trying to imitate the movie. All of which always makes me laugh a little and think that they must have never read the original book. Either that, or they spectacularly missed the point that the book is a satire of backpacker culture. Maya Bay had to be closed off after overtourism nearly ruined it because of the movie, and isn't that just the punchline of the whole thing. But I digress.)

Anyway, the hotel is actually really nice, charming, a bit quirky, but kind of like a museum, with old furniture, china, clocks, phonographs, and other artifacts everywhere. The room is comfortable and they have free beer in the minibar. We got settled in and tumbled into bed for a much-needed night's sleep.

Waking up at the crack of dawn again wasn't the best way to start our island holiday. But we only had a day here in Phuket, and time, as they say, was a-wasting. Short on time and not wanting to deal with the taxi mafia again, we booked ourselves a half-day tour to see the main sights like the Chalong Temple, Big Buddha, and Karon Viewpoint. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn't.

We were picked up at 7:10am for a tour that was supposed to start at 8. Which meant no time for breakfast, as most things around here weren't open yet. Okay, fine, I figured we'd grab a coffee and some snacks along the way. Except that, instead of starting the tour, the guide said we had to pick up two more couples. Fine, one of them was from a hotel nearby. But the other was from a resort halfway across the island, in the northeast. Of Phuket. In other words, nowhere near Phuket town. We proceeded to sit in gridlock rush hour traffic for the next 90 minutes, with no explanation as to where we were going, to go get these two other people, only to turn around and... drive right back to Phuket town. You have GOT to be kidding me. We wasted two hours in a van just to go right back where we started? 

They started to take us to Chalong Temple, which is southwest of Phuket town, i.e. in the opposite direction of the other resort. By the time we got out of the van, I was exhausted, feeling worse for wear from the stop and go traffic and inability to open the van window (which was zip-tied shut), and exhausted from lack of food and water. Why didn't you do the out of town pickup first, I asked the driver? No response. That's it, I said. We're done. Drop us back at the hotel and give us our money back.

So that's how we spent two hours in a van stuck in traffic to see absolutely nothing of Phuket today. Whatever you do, if you're reading this, definitely avoid these tours; they're nothing but scams.

Anyway, without much transportation and having wasted a whoppingly high amount of money on the non-tour this morning (which we may never see again), we headed back to the hotel in the now-sweltering morning heat. It was just after 9am and already over 30 degrees and humid. I don't know how anyone survives in these temperatures. It's even harder now because of COVID and the fact that Ryan and I really can't risk ducking into an indoor cafe or restaurant or any air conditioned space without a mask. I'd gone through a litre of water already, was sweating out of every pore, and hadn't had a meal since noon the day before. It was time to find some breakfast.

We wandered around the streets by the hotel looking for a restaurant that served breakfast and had outdoor seating. After a few false starts, we found a small place and ordered some banana and nutella french toast and coconut latte. Everything in Phuket is pricier than elsewhere in Thailand, but the breakfast, while slow and unbearably hot outdoors, was quite tasty. 

After that, we decided that the day wasn't getting any cooler the longer we waited, so we might as well explore a bit. Giving up on the idea of a tour, we instead looked up a few famous landmarks within walking distance and spent a couple of hours walking around, sticking to a few rules like "always walk on the shady side of the street" and "stop in front of all fans". 

Old Phuket Town is colourful, vibrant, and picturesque. It's not really "old" compared to other things we've seen -- certainly not compared to the Angkor temples we just came from --- but it has a unique heritage all its own. The Baba (no, not that kind of Baba), another name for the Peranakan people who descended here from Hokkien Chinese immigrants to Phuket who are the founders of this area. The Sino-Portuguese architecture, shrines, dragon statues, and colourful row houses reminiscent of Copenhagen or even some parts of Montreal, all give the town a certain amount of charm. If you can stand the heat long enough to explore it, that is.

In no particular order, we visited the area here on Phang Nga Road right by our hotel, including the Shrine of the Serene Light, a Chinese shrine right next to our hotel, and the clocktower building that used to be a bank and now houses a Baba Museum. Nearby Soi Romanee, a narrow street with flowers and brightly coloured houses and instagrammable cafes and shops, was once the red light district and is now a pretty tourist spot. 

We walked through the heat past the Surin Clock Tower (nothing special, just a yellow clock in the middle of a roundabout) to a large Chinese shrine called Bang Neow. That was pretty cool, with statues of warriors in different sections. We felt a bit like we were intruding, though, so we didn't stay long. Back again near the hotel, we saw Wat Mongkhon Nimit, a small Buddhist shrine, a golden statue of a dragon, and Thalang Road, site of the Sunday Walking Street that we unfortunately won't be here to see. We also found ET, a giant bunny, an even bigger pink bear, and a Harry Potter-themed pub called the Hog's Head, which had butterbeer on the menu, a Nimbus 2000 and a Firebolt in the window, and other fun in-jokes. Quite amusing.

When we couldn't stand the heat and humidity anymore, we headed back to the hotel some much needed showers and to hide out by the air conditioner for a while. It's just too unpleasant here during the day to do much else, quite frankly. We took a long lazy afternoon siesta, which we figured we deserved after the rude and pointless early wake-up this morning. Finally, when the hottest part of the day had passed, we felt brave enough to venture back out.

Tonight is the full moon here in Thailand, which means it's time to party. Well, let me qualify that: You've met us, right? Did you really picture us staying out all night at a backpacker-style Full Moon Party in Patong Beach or Koh Phangan? Yeah nope. Not in a million years.

Instead, we celebrated the full moon RySa style: At the Full Moon Brewworks Taproom. Full Moon isn't exactly a microbrewery; they're a bit too commercial and widely distributed for that. But they're still closer to craft than macro, and they make some decently interesting beers. The pub had a nice outdoor garden area and a small good pub grub menu, and was conveniently right around the corner from our hotel. 

At around five, we went over there for an early dinner and a tasting flight. Unfortunately, just after we got our beers, the sky, which had been steadily darkening all afternoon with grey storm clouds, opened up and the rain started to pour. Most outdoor restaurants here in Southeast Asia have been somewhat covered, but this one was open to the sky. Just our luck, the first rain we've seen the whole trip. It was pretty inevitable, given the humidity level here. But a tad inconvenient in terms of timing. 

We rescued the beer and went to stand under the tiny overhang by the bar area and hid out as best we could while the rain came in sideways. Then, when the rain slowed to a drizzle, we wiped off some bar stools and ate our dinner while getting only slightly wet. The waitress clearly thought we were crazy for not simply moving indoors, but we did get our meal in and hey, we ain't made out of sugar. The rain did cool things down nicely, though, making the evening air much more pleasant.

We headed back to the hotel for an hour or so to give the rain a chance to let up. Ryan's dinner didn't agree with him, so he was feeling a little off and needed a rest anyway. And I got to spend a good chunk of my evening trying to chase down a refund from the tour provider this morning. Fun times. 

Once the sky cleared a bit, we went back out for a wander, just to see if Phuket Town is better after dark, like most places in Southeast Asia. Ehhhh, mildly. It's more tolerable to walk outside without the Evil Day Star beating down on us. And the humidity had broken ever-so-slightly after this evening's rain, though not as much as you might think. There's no crazy nightlife here in Phuket Town; from what I understand, that takes place mainly near Patong Beach, and we were both glad to be nowhere near it. 

Here, things are pretty chill. There were a few bars and restaurants around town that seemed to have some life going on, including, hilariously, a Liverpool FC-themed football bar that was packed and had live music going on. Ordinarily we might've grabbed a table out front and had a pint, but Ryan was still feeling a bit off, and our hearts just weren't in it. So we ultimately decided to just cash in our chips and call it a day. Sometimes you just gotta know when to fold 'em, as the song says.

So anyway, that's Phuket. Can't say I was particularly excited to come here. Can't say I'll be particularly sad to leave tomorrow. But, despite our bumps in the road, at least Ryan and I have been able to laugh about it. Which, when you're with the right person, can be all that matters.