Westminster, England, United Kingdom
Well, to this point, the British and Australian media have been placed on a news release embargo and to this point, have been totally compliant about the visit to London (no not to “visit the Queen”), by Fred and Parno.
You may ask, “what’s so special about two very quiet, typical Australian mature adults, visiting London ?”. Well, if you did, a self inflicted uppercut needs to be applied, if not immediately then prior to that. Hint, next month is May ....... something big happening in the UK during that month ? Think hard.
Now if you left this to Fred, she would tell you that the World Premier of DartsChampion is to be decided. A somewhat self-directed created by self-interest from one’s-self I feel you would respond. True, these truly mind boggling athletes have been competing for sometime during an elimination series, which Fred has been mildly showing interest toward. “Northern” back in Australia also shows a bit of interest I hear.
Yes, mildly interested. Up at odd times of the night (1am, 3am etc ....that’s odd ?), to cheer on “Simon”, “Barnie”, “Snake” etc.
Sure you’re interested. The Darts has doubled its ratings on FOX TV in Australia: gone from 10 to 20 in the past year or so.
I guess by now, you may have detected some sarcasm on my part. Yes, somewhat an unusual position for me to adopt, however, if you had, then you may undo the aforementioned uppercut, as you have made a rather perceptive and correct notation. As of this point in time, you have an exclusive period of 24 hours prior to the news release as to why “Parno” is in town. Please refrain from telling others, as you have this privilege completely the result of being part of this exclusive, yet unique travel compilation. By now you have probably narrowed down the reason why the unannounced exit from Australia and the unassuming presence in the capital of the British Commonwealth. Before, I exclusively release the reason, let me tell what it is not.
No, we are not here, to assist the transfer of the Australian High Commissioner (George Brandis), who was given this post because of his “extraordinary service to the Australian Parliament” .
....that’s political speak for “looking after your mates” after the PM decided to move him on. Neither, are we here for the final stages of the English Premier League, to ensure that the season winds down on a successful manner. This was not our “goal”. So to the point at hand.
We’re here to supervise the transition of the wedding of Harold and Meaghan. You’re somewhat excited ? Well don’t be: don’t even be surprised. Both Harry (this is what his mates call him) and Meaghan wanted some supervisionary skill applied to this somewhat important occasion. Apparently, Harry has invited a few of his mates to come to the wedding and has asked that they be kept under control as they can get a little out off control. This I will watch rather closely.
Unfortunately, Fred and I can’t stay long, nor are we available to attend the wedding. Harry and Meaghan were prepared to change the date, but with our full diaries and all, we couldn’t fit it in. Their loss, I say. Suffice to say, that by the time we leave London in a couple of days, all will be in order with the PR machine, well oiled.
I just hope that when the news is released, that the Australian media doesn’t get too excited about us in London and park themselves outside our hotel in Paddington. Yes, Paddington. I know, out come all of the bear jokes. Because any bear commentary would be noted as “paw”, ”unbearable”, and seen as just a bit of a “grizzle”, on your part. Mocking me with these types of comments, will only make me “claw” my way back. “Fur”ther commentary on this matter can be made by activating the “add comments” button below.
While I’m at it, I thought that I would outline some of our activities while flirting around London to supervise “that event”. We woke (with no media outside) to a grey, drizzling day which a reasonable breeze blowing. It was to be cold, but we pushed onwards after breakfast in the hotel. Across the very nearby Hyde Park to Kensington Palace (1780s). Kate and William may have been at home, but our tight schedule didn’t create the pleasure for them to receive us. Just a few pictures outside and a small note left with the front Office explaining our “popping by”.
They will understand.
Hyde Park is a rather expansive parkland. Many people out feeding the ducks, walking dogs, walking and running. Hyde Park is impressive with the extensive gardens, tracks (horses etc) and lakes. I didn’t see the local “Mare / Mayor”: no time for politics given our emphasis on this trip. Around to the Royal Albert Hall for a quick inspection. Quite a large building, with the statue of Albert overlooking the park. One joker walking past him, yelling out “hey mate, Albert, is statue" ? Had to be English, an Aussie wouldn’t have made such a poor attempt at humour. Fred is yet to comment on this public outrage. She often adopts this position.
From the Albert Hall, we decided to walk along Kensington Road through Knightsbridge toward Buckingham Palace to see the grandparents of the groom. For your edification, we will call them Mr and Mrs Windsor. A gentile couple who happen to live in a large dwelling. I must ask them how much rent they pay and to which Omani Sultan they pay this sum. I wonder if they have a cement pond just like Jed and Granny Clampett had in their mansion in Beverley Hills ? Both the Windsors tend to shun publicity and prefer to use Uber drivers to get around.
So with dark sunglasses and a hooded top to escape from being noticed we proceeded via the Wellington Arch and down Constitution Road where we met the Queen’s Guard parading their horses. This surprised me somewhat as the Windsors knew we were coming and so to go to so much trouble was comforting but against all advice. Obviously the wider populous was informed as there were many others down at the front gates as well. It was at this point I raised my right arm and spoke into the microphone (CIA style of course). “Fred, our cover seems to have been compromised, I think we just go down and see if the Windsors are waiting on the front doorstep and if not, we move on”. Such a brilliant and strategic manoeuvre was signed off by my colleague”. After taking a few pictures just to prove that we had indeed endeavoured to cover our end of the bargain, we moved on. The Windsors getting on in years may have indeed overlooked our appointment. Harry’s old man was over in Australia at the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games. No need to chat with him yet and to provide him with some guidance of what he should say at the wedding breakfast. That can come later: just a few emails perhaps between us?
We had to do this, as the crowds outside the Windsor’s House were almost the same as those that congregate in the streets of Kolkata. Too much risk prior to the lifting of the media embargo. So through St Anne’s Court and onto the scene of the Wedding, namely Westminiser Abbey.
Knowing Harry as I do, I forewarned Fred, that the Abbey wouldn’t be your average place of worship. She understood this to be code for something rather large and one which dominated the landscape. Not to be disappointed, it proved to meet requirements. It was good to see that our organisers did indeed have a function running at the Abbey upon our arrival. We had previously chosen this date as it coincided with the 50th Anniversary of Martin Luther King’s death. Mrs Windsor had sent one of her cousins along to supervise and report back. A bit of overkill I thought, as Fred and I had it under control. Her cousin (we will call him the “Duke of Kent”) seemed happy and an Uber car waiting for him after the dry run. We also organised the tolling of the bells. Fred gave this somewhat extended performance, her seal of approval.
We decided to walk around the back of the Abbey to check out a few things and to ensure that the restoration works on Big Ben and Parliament House were progressing fine. After all, Meaghan would want to take a few family shots in this area and Fred as looking to offer a few suggestions.
We will keep the latter to ourselves at this point. From here to check out the mighty Thames River. Walking across Lambeth Bridge along Albert Road down to the scene of the recent terrorist act on Westminister Bridge. Barricades etc now prevent any vehicular access to pedestrian areas. From here to the London Eye and then across Waterloo Bridge to visit Number 10 Downing Street. Along the way, I wanted to see if the fellas, that were going to act as ushers and add a little flair to the bridal party’s progression to and from the church (known locally as the “Queen’s Guards”). We insisted these fellas show a bit of their act, so they brought out a couple of their “ponies” (as Fred called them ...she even insisted having her photo taken with one of them ....no “nagging” jokes please). No problems here, as the performance here (they called it a passing out parade), seemed quite well rehearsed. Got our approval. We did allow a few of the gate crashers to come in and look as I thought that the fellas may pick up another gig or two from these people.
My only advice to the fellas was that they are a bit too serious.
Just a short walk down the road to “No 10”. Very heavily fortified with many police around. Fred wanted to know if you needed to have the name of “Robert” to become an English Policeman. To which I said, “Bobby, Fred, Bobby”. She was probably technically correct however. I wanted to see Teresa in No 10 so I approached “Bobby” and asked if she was home and if she was could she spare a minute or two. To which “Bobby” replied, “Teresa May”. So we waited. After a few minutes she didn’t appear so we then left. No big issue. We were liking what we had seen anyway.
The plan was to walk back to “Paddo” via the St James and Hyde Parks. Along the way passing Pall Mall, Fenchurch Station, Piccadilly, Mayfair and the Strand. All achieved and without “going to jail” and “not collecting $200”. Fred wanted her photo taken at the Ritz with the doorman. This was done. Just nearby, we checked out the price of caviar at the world renown “Caviar House and Prunier” outlet.
A mere 50 grams of the “Love Edition” variety from Russia, just a mere £165. Didn’t have enough Jazz biscuits, so we declined.
A big day, but worth it. I will now type up our report and send it off to Harry and Meaghan. Looks good.
Tomorrow we have other plans and these will be detailed in the next chapter. However, it must be time for a competition. Try these few questions for size;
1. The Windsors as referred to in the above, have a favourite hobby. What is this ?
2. Harry’s “old man” is ?
3. Harry’s old man, wife recently caused a stir at the Commonwealth Games. What was it, and does she really snore ?
4. Why do you think that Coca Cola sponsors the London Eye ?
5. Why is the Thames River pronounced “Tames” ?
You can respond to these questions by hitting the “add comment” button below. I have collected a few empty Coke cans for the wine. So should the successful participant be from New South Wales, then you may be able to cash these cans in for your 10 cents rebate.
Finally, I wish acknowledge our son Stewart’s response to our “Got me stumped, this one” chapter.
You can access this by pressing the “previous“ button at the top and bottom of this page. Have a look in the comments section.
Stew’s effort was rather welcomed by Fred. “A bit of competition for you”, she bluntly noted. I did initially feel under pressure. “Lift your game”, my inner self said. Hang on, I shouldn’t be listening to myself, we’re not talking since our last fight and I am not going to be the one to make up this time. Still it was a bit of a wake up call.
I do admit however, that his effort was quite a great effort. It wasn’t all that long, but I get his “short pitched” message. In doing so, I just remind him that should he continue to embark upon such competitive behaviour, he may be moved from the credit side to the debit side, in the will. He may not give a “toss” about this. I just had to “point” this out.
Slim
2018-04-06
Looks like lots of fun hope you are both having a great time. Keep the photos coming only wish we could have been there with you Slim and Northern PS Yes Parno it is me reading your blog
Kathii Langadinos
2018-04-07
Those Brits certainly do pomp and ceremony really well; don't you think ol' boy? Nothing like it Down Under; but we are a simple folk!! Bring on the Republic I say!
Gay, alias Fred
2018-04-08
A correction, it is the PDC Premier League Darts competition on at present, the World Championship is in Dec/Jan.
Justin Hodges
2018-04-12
H.R.H I hope they stood to attention when you walked through, and Mr.Sheens could have shaved before you arrived, hey Fred what’s the matter Parramatta!
Robyn
2018-04-13
Great photos!