Took it FAR too easy this morning, updating my blog and all. I'm going to miss this when I'm out in the sticks. I'm completely spoiled here with an entire apartment to myself. Ying says she's like a bird: she has everything she needs in one place. I made the requisite "Bird's Nest" joke, and that was that.

When I was done, it was afternoon and I figured I was already late for getting a ticket to Shanghai, so I went off to find Tiananmen Square first . And this time I did! Hurray for me! It turns out it wasn't cordoned off yesterday, I was just blind and stupid. But you'll have that. There were sections all roped off, that black and yellow mini ramp stuff they cover electrical wires with was all over the ground, there was a stage or something in the middle all blocked off by boarding and there were cranes and hammers going all sides. They're preparing BIG time for this celebration. Expect Margaret Ward to have some rosey story about it on RTE any day now.

I dearly wanted to see Meowsy, but he was getting his nails done or something, coz no one was allowed in to him today, and no reason was given as to why. I pitied the faithful in their baggy navy slacks and jackets, posing solemnly in front of the Monument to the People's Heroes or the Maosoleum. I imagine they came hundreds of miles, just for this, and all they get is their plastic bag of courgettes x-rayed and a photo in front of some wires and boarding .

I may have brightened their day somewhat, however. I didn't really know what was in TS, so I decided to walk the whole way around it, starting by walking the whole way around the Maosoleum. Then the sun burst through the clouds and melted them all away, and suddenly everyone could see how pale I was and how massive my eyes were. And I had chosen to walk against the crowd, so it was basically me against a conveyor belt of cameras and video recorders. Every so often someone would jump out to take a picture of someone else posing in the procession, and I'd hurry to get out of the way, but they'd have it taken before I was gone, or they'd follow me and get it anyway. Only one man actually asked: "You mind me you?", so I acquiesced to his request and his mother took a photo on a tiny video camera while guffawing into mobile. The thing is, I expect people with armani glasses and tiny video cameras and mobile phones to be NORMAL. To be as used to foreigners as most westerners are . But I suppose they're not really, and it's a different culture. Posing for a picture isn't quite the same thing for Chinese as it is for us, and having a complete stranger running awkwardly across your shot is the whole point, sometimes.

At the opposite end of TS to the Forbidden City (i.e. the south end - but I forgot my compass today too), there's a GIANT gate. Like, WOAH. It's called Zhengyangmen Gate, and I totally didn't expect to see it there. It's pure Chinese, but much more austere than anything in the Forbidden City or Summer Palace. It also seems completely out of keeping with the sturdy, concrete soviet-style buildings on the east and west of the square, and it's just a gate, not a really long wall like the Forbidden City on the north. As I was gawping at this - and rummaging for my sunglasses - I heard a bright "Hawllo!" and there was a young couple pulling out some umbrellas to protect themselves from the sun (I know, I was freaked out by this blatant misuse of the objects) .

"Where you from?" She had an American accent and he had a few words in English. We had a nice, brief conversation, and I was on my way for about twenty five seconds before "Hawllo!", and another couple wanted to talk to me. This happened about six times in all around the south and west of the Maosoleum, and consequently, I failed to take any pictures of the view. Then, of course, there was the couple with the "We are artists, you like see our art in Culture Palace?", but I was off to Shanghai within the hour and didn't have any time, sorry.

Having exhausted the delights of TS (which, by the way, when you look it up on Wikipedia is fine, but you get "Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage" when you click the "protests" link), I saluted the flag and trip-trapped down the stairs to the underpass. After blithely scurrying about in the subway like an old pro, I was quickly brought back down to earth at Beijing Station . Firstly, I still wasn't quite sure that it was the right station - there are about three train stations in every large city in China, and they all serve different combinations of places; secondly, although I had read about this, it shocked me to see everyone lying around on the plaza in front of the station, bags, sacks, courgettes and all - the guards don't let you in until something like an hour before your train leaves; thirdly, and worstly, (I know, I know) everything was in Chinese. But that couldn't be! This was Beijing! Where was the special Foreigners window?! Where were the English signs?! What was going on?!

There was nothing for it, but to wander around until I saw something I could understand. There were neon displays on the exterior and booth windows along the bottom and a woman repeating something over and over again, but no English. Then, I turned a corner, and there it was: "TICKET OFFICE". I hurried inside, picturing a large "Foreigners" desk and a queue of westerners all happily discussing their next destination and planning slumber parties on the trains . Alas, this was not the case. There were two rows of windows down a long hall, one side all shut and the other side all Chinese. But amongst all the pictographs and bobbing black heads I spotted a small yellow sign with tiny roman letters under the Chinese: "Foreign Ticket Window". And it was closed. Not knowing what else to do, I walked from one side of the room to the other, turned a few circles and flicked my hair. Then, wondrously, a woman appeared in the window and placed a little Chinese sign beside her. I ran over and ignored the incomprehensible sign.
"One soft sleeper ticket to Shanghai on the next night train please"
"You want tomorrow?"
"...T-t-tomorrow?"
"Yeah, you want?"
"...Why yes, that will do very nicely thank you!"
It was a rather exorbitant fee, but I was so glad not to have to wait 5 days for the next train that I took it and ran back to the safe familiarity of the subway.

I thought I might head home at this stage, but I hadn't really done much with my day, so I decided that I wanted to see the Pearl Market before I left for Shanghai . Since it was across from the Temple of Heaven, and I knew there was a KFC there since Thursday, I also decided to have lunch/dinner. Coming out the door of KFC, my eyes watering with spicy popcorn chicken, a small man ran past, then did a double take and came back to me. "Oh! Hawllo lady! Where you from?" I didn't trust him, this close to the Pearl Market, but I chatted away a bit anyway, the usual Dublin-English-teacher-friend in Beijing routine. He followed me the whole way into the Pearl Market and I bade him a pointed farewell in the Rolex section. He was persistent, however, and came back up after ten seconds.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute. What this mean?"
He pointed to the word 'fraudsters' on a newspaper.
"It means people who trick you."
"They breaka law? Crime?"
"Yes."
"What this mean?"
He pointed to 'exploit'. I was getting cross eyed. I held my bag tighter.
"It means to use something to make things good for yourself."
"Aw, ha ha. And this?"
He opened the paper and pointed to 'loopholes'. The headline was 'Carbon tax fraudsters exploit loopholes' . It's here, if you can open the link. You can see why a little knacker man in south Beijing would want to know what that article said.
"Loopholes are ways out of things. Especially in the law."
"Lika you mean ablahbblahshhslalshhahaaa?"
"...yeah sure."

All this time we were wandering around and my gadget radar was going haywire at the amount of knock offs surrounding us with insistent sales girls hawking them.
"Hawllo ladyiphone?"
"Whachoo wan whachoo wan?"
"Memory card. How much."
"You want memory stick. What you want."

I stopped to look at the iPhone knock off. It wasn't too bad, really, but it lacked multi touch and was based on the first iPhone, not the 3GS.
"Does it have wi-fi?"
"Naw, no wi-fi. Two simcard."
"Why?"
"You make the call."
"Why two?"
"You make the call one country, then you make the call otha country."

Clever, you must admit. I admired a tiny mp3 player, then abandoned that poor lady - something I'm no good at at all, and was very proud to accomplish. Knacker man was still following me, so I stopped to look at some Nokia knock offs. There was one like the N97, so of course I had to look at it. It was very heavy, but kind of cool.
"This is too heavy. Can I see another touchscreen?"
"You like 5800."
She pulled it out. I pulled out mine.
"No, I have it."
"Oh! Ha ha!" Panic. She's thinking, 'this girl knows'. I grin .
She showed me another.
"Teebee! Teebee phone!"
She pulled an aerial out of the phone, and low and behold, there was the TV.
"And phone?"
"Yes and sms. I show."
"And camera?"
"Yes."
She took a picture. It said 'save failed'.
"It failed." I said.
"You needa memory cawd."

There was a second woman behind me, the little man to my left and a few other tourists casually poking their noses in every now and again. I had my bag in a vice grip, but I didn't feel particularly unsafe. The second woman scurried off to get a memory card.

"You want 16 gee bee? Wachoo wan?"
"4 gigabytes."
"16 gee bee this much." She typed in 180.
"No, 4 gigabytes. How much?"
"80. Okay, how much you wan for 16 gee bee."
I typed in 100.
"Ha ha ha, no no. 150."
"No. 4 gigabytes."
"Okay okay, 120."
Twelve euro for a 16 gig micro SD card? Hell yeah! "...Okay."

Unfortunately, the 16gb card didn't work, so I got the 4gb one for E8 . I also achieved one of my dearest dreams: obtaining my own knock off phone. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am now the proud owner of a haggled NCKIA TV Mobile N98+. The most exciting thing about all of this was the haggling. I actually managed it! By myself! You may all be shocked to learn that I paid E50 for a silly phone with a TV and a quaint little aerial, but I am tremendously proud of myself for knocking it down from Y1080 to Y500. Of course, now I don't really know what to do with it, but I'm sure I'll think of something. ;)

Sailed back to Huixinxijie Nankou on a tide of shopper's euphoria. Was gliding up the escalator when someone called "Mary! Mary!"
"That's unusual." I thought. "They usually call me 'lady' or 'hawllo'."
Then I saw Ying laughing at me on the opposite escalator.
"I'll wait for you down here!"
The other escalator people were intrigued by this exchange, and even stopped to watch me turn around and go back down again. Ying was impressed with my Shanghai ticket, and the price sounded right to her . She promised to take me to the station tomorrow, but she's staying with a friend tonight, because she has a job interview tomorrow (I guess super secret governmenty stuff isn't to everyone's taste).

So here I am, word vomiting all over the place once again. You'll be thrilled to know that I'll have no internet tomorrow night, and probably not in Shanghai either, so no texts or exceedingly long updates for a while! Now I'm off to book a room in Shanghai. And watch some TV.

On my phone.

HA!