After years of dreaming of the beaches along the Caribbean coast of Colombia, I finally arrived in Santa Marta. Sadly the beaches here left a lot to be desired, and I felt quite disappointed. Fortunately however, you do not have to venture too far to get away from the usual gringo trail to find the beaches that dreams are made of.

I stayed in Santa Marta for a couple of days, and did not do a lot more than watch the World Cup Final, drink copious amounts of beer and play lots of pool. After all this butch activity I made an effort to re-feminise myself by spending a day sunbathing by the hostel pool and reading my book… reading Cosmo would've been a step too far! As there was not a lot to do in the city and I was not a fan of the beach there, I went to the nearby village of Taganga. Taganga used to be a quaint little fishing village, but has quickly become backpacker/hippie central, with every other building offering rooms for rent, and half of the remaining buildings being dive shops, many of which are not registered with PADI and are complete cowboy operations.

I had been looking forward to diving again and had heard good things about Taganga from quite a few people, however whilst I was there it rained most afternoons, thus ruining the visibility for diving. Anyone who I spoke to who had dived in places like Thailand/Great Barrier Reef etc had been very disappointed with the Taganga diving, so considering both of these factors I gave it a miss. I had also heard fantastic reviews of the filet mignon served at the restaurant that is attached to my hostel (La Casa de Felipe), and as it is sold at a fairly reasonable price I gave it a try… twice; it was scrumptious. I also found the fruit mamon which I have not seen anywhere except for Venezuela, and this reminded me that I have come full circle around the continent of South America – I still can't believe how many miles I have covered.

Taganga is a pretty small village and I had soon covered most of it, including the backstreet of "Hollywood Boulevard" - home to a dentist and a plastic surgeon behind some very rusty gates. The village of Taganga also boasts not just one, but two nightclubs… one of which takes you on a trip back in time by supplying an abundance of glow sticks each and every night. For various reasons I had decided against doing the popular six day hike in the sweltering mosquito-infested jungle to La Ciudad Perdida (The Lost City), which left me free to try and fulfill my quest to find the beach of my dreams...

None of the beaches in/around Taganga were very impressive, including "Playaca" which had been strongly endorsed by the guy working in my hostel. On his recommendation/insistence, a group of us from the hostel spent the day at this beach amongst the litter. The only thing that was better about this beach than the one in Taganga was that the sea water was clear rather than brown! It was disappointing to say the least as we had to pay and entrance fee and take a pricey boat ride to get there. It was also really sad to see the pet monkeys tied up to the trees by string attached to their waists and tails.

In Colombia pretty much every meal is accompanied by tasteless fried plantain discs, so we decided that rather than smothering them in salt and forcing them down like usual, we would take them to feed the animals who looked starved. In the mini zoo they had two sad looking monkeys and a parrot, who I am sure said "hola, ven aqui" (hello, come here) when I went over with my unwanted plantain treats. He looked very much like Guaco, a parrot I had met nine months or so ago in Venezuela! So, obeying his order I went over and fed him, whilst one of the girls I had gone to the beach with (Ashley) went to feed the monkeys. She started with the small one who was running around like a crazed maniac.

Even after we had given the monkeys what seemed to be their first meal in weeks, they still had the saddest faces - just look at the pictures! Ashley decided it would be a good idea to set them free. I didn't actually think that she was being serious until she called me over to show me that she had loosened the knot that attached the small monkey's rope to his tree. She then proceeded to loosen it a little more, and the whole thing came undone. The idea had been to leave it just loose enough for the monkey to be able to set himself free later on, and not to cause a scene. With this in mind Ashley bent down and picked up the end of the rope so that she could reattach it loosely. This was when we discovered that the sweet little monkey does not like anyone pulling on his rope, and he ran at Ashley whilst flashing his mouth full of teeth as he tried to attack her leg. Fortunately her screams and running away saved her, but it unfortunately ruined the plan of not causing a scene. The staff looked over to see what was going on, and just saw Ashley's panicked/shocked face as she pointed to the monkey disappearing into the bushes, with his rope trailing behind him.

Nothing was said about us setting the monkey free, so we did not bring it up either. We just hoped that they thought the little monkey had set himself free and then launched an unprovoked attack on Ashley! After this little bit of drama, we decided that setting the other monkey free might be pushing it... he seemed a lot more content with his surroundings than the little one anyway, so we left him to it and returned to the beach for the afternoon.

Having abandoned my Lonely Planet some time ago due to its outdated content and excessive size/weight, I didn't think I would find myself following its advice again. However I met a couple of Irish girls who had a copy of the brand spanking new "book of lies", in which a new destination on the Colombian coast had been added. So, the search for my dream beach took me with them two hours east of Santa Marta to the small town of Palomino.

Just 20 minutes' walk from the main road is the beach and a little place called 'La Sirena' where you can stay in a hammock right on the beach-front. It is quite nice, but they do charge rather a lot to stay there, and don't offer great hospitality as they know that you have little choice. Pretty much as soon as we arrived, any hopes of a dream beach were dashed by a huge thunderstorm that continued through the night, and blew in under our shelter to soak our hammocks... not ideal for sleeping.

Thankfully it cleared up somewhat the following day and I moved my hammock out to dry between two palm trees in the sunshine, as I lay back and enjoyed my book. We also took a walk down to the end of the beach to one of two rivers between which Palomino lies. At the point where the fresh water flows into the sea, you can cross over to the next beach; however the water was so deep that it came up to my neck! After somehow transporting myself and my camera through the currents, we arrived at some gorgeous rocks and a secluded beach with really rough seas.

This was the closest I had found to paradise for a while, and I wondered if my search was complete. However, the rain returned and the beach itself was not actually that beautiful as it was covered in dead palm leaves. Therefore I decided the search must go on... life is hard!!

If it is idyllic beaches on the Colombian coast that you are after, the word on the street (and in the trusty old Lonely Planet) is that you should go to Tayrona National Park. However, this has a very high price tag and is packed with tourists... something that quickly turns the dream beach into a nightmare. Therefore, after speaking with a couple of locals I decided to stop off on the way back to Santa Marta at a small beach that came highly recommended. It is somewhere that the gringos are yet to discover, and does not cost an arm and a leg to visit or stay there - sounds perfect. The only problem is that you have to stop the bus in a very conspicuous spot along the main road, and then find the path to the beach. With the help of the bus driver, thankfully this was not that difficult.

Many Colombians were holidaying up on the coast as it was a public holiday weekend due to the bicentennial anniversary of Colombia's independence, and it was the Saturday of this weekend that I chose to visit the deserted beach of Los Angeles. Shortly after I arrived to the beach entrance a bus full of people all dressed in white pulled in, and I wondered if I had stumbled into the camp of a religious cult.

However, I soon discovered that there was a wedding taking place that evening, and the 'cult members' were just regular old wedding guests. I had planned to spend a couple of nights in a hammock on this beach, but due to the number of wedding guests there was not enough space. I was invited to join the wedding and to take pictures, but I could not stay too late as I had to make sure I did not miss the last bus back to Santa Marta in order to find a place to sleep. The beach there was as amazing as I had imagined, and if I ever get married on a beach, I think I may have found the spot. I had indeed found my dream beach… when there is nothing to worry about except for falling coconuts and a current in the sea, things can’t really get any better!

I spent a couple more days in Taganga, venturing into Santa Marta for a live concert on the Tuesday for the bicentennial celebrations. There were some really good performers on stage, including my personal favourite of a four piece band of boys around 13 years old, including an incredibly animated accordion player and an exceptionally confident front man. However, I was desperate to get back to my paradise and spend a full day enjoying its beauty. After the failure of Playaca, Ashley and an American guy we met (Will) fancied joining me in a trip to Los Angeles as they too had been disappointed with the beaches they had seen here.

So, off we went armed with a picnic of sandwiches, watermelon, granadilla, biscuits and a bottle of aguardiente (the national drink of Colombia which is similar to Sambuca). The weather stayed on our side for the whole day, the water was the perfect temperature and we had the whole beach to ourselves. Nobody was attacked by falling coconuts, and the currents in the sea did not sweep anyone away – it was the perfect day on the perfect beach and finally my mission was finally complete, and I am glad that I was able to share it with two really great people… you too may get to see it if I ever find someone I want to marry!