Have you ever felt like you're living amongst a real-life soap opera? If this is something you want to experience, then you need to get yourself to Praia da Pipa in the North East of Brazil! This small beach town was a place that I was going to skip as it sounded fairly similar to Jericoacoara, however I was convinced otherwise by a Dutch kitesurfing instructor called Irwan who I met in Natal. He tempted me with tales of hilariously sleazy guys who harass blondes, and beautiful surfing beaches with dolphins. As those of you who know me are aware, I can resist anything except temptation…

Pipa was full of a variety of colourful characters, with each day bringing with it a new tale to tell. Whilst I was still in Natal I met a beautiful young Dutch girl called Maaike; she was to be my partner in crime in taking on everything Pipa had to offer. We had been briefed by Irwan (as well as other Pipa veterans) about two main guys who seemed to be serial offenders in harassing the young blonde female tourists: The Fly and The Hat. The Hat is so-named for obvious reasons… he is always wearing a hat. I had visions of an elaborate sombrero or top hat, but it turned out to just be a baseball cap. The Fly earned his name through his persistency… no matter how many times he is shooed away by the girls, he always returns – just like a fly. If you ever go to Pipa then be sure to look out for these two, they are definitely the biggest womanisers there! The Fly is skinny with a super-dark tan and blonde dreadlocks, and The Hat, erm he’ll be the one wearing the cap skulking around with The Fly :s

In Natal we also met a Dutch-Portuguese guy called Nuno who provided us with some choice Portuguese phrases to use on the Pipa boys should the opportunity arise. We even consulted Maaike's phrase book and converted a phrase for "I don't want to see you anymore" into "I don't want to see you naked"... hopefully things won't progress so far that we need that one!

Imagine the opening titles to an overdramatic soap opera, starting with the main characters described above... also starring:

With the boys

Repulsion - a Dutch moron we met on our first night there, who had oversized breasts, a scarily posh squeaky English accent (although he initially started speaking to me in Dutch), and the whitest skin I've seen for a long time. He even took it upon himself to warn me against the Brazilian sun, and that he uses factor 30... maybe I need factor 50! I accidentally spent more time on the beach the following day than I intended, and therefore had no suncream on at all and did not burn! Cheers for the advice Repulsion. Needless to say he was staying in a Dutch hostel and thought it was the bees knees.

The Queen - a overtly gay man with long braided hair who likes to mince up and down the beach throughout the day in the tiniest speedos available, with his bum crack on full display to all. Although he does have a beautiful smile, great posture and a gorgeous tan he is fully aware of this, and is generally quite scary to look at.

Pipa is beautiful

The ISA (Independent Speedo Association) - I saw more people here than ever before prancing around in Speedos. I think The Queen is in charge of the ISA, but I am not 100% sure.

Tennis Ball - an aggessive handicraft seller who carries his things around in a tiny girly basket, whilst wearing a very middle-earth/Merlinesque hat. He earned his name from the tennis ball shaped collection of pubic hair stuck on his chin, I think this was meant to be a very cool beard, but it went wrong somewhere. He was one of the many hippies who seemed to love to go crazy in the streets at night, no doubt after too much Cachaça.

Rocking out

The Stroke - a middle aged Brazilian man who we actually met in Natal - note to Amanda: this is the guy who was saying you were beautiful just before you flashed your underwear to the whole hostel. He smelt of incredibly strong BO, was always wearing the same red shorts and no T-Shirt. His hair had the appearance of an old carpet and his nose looked like a dog had been chewing on it for a couple of years. The Stroke took a liking to Maaike and in English he told me "You friend beautiful, I love him".

Dumb and Dumber - two English guys that we met at a hotel pool party on our second day where they were making a short promotional film. Although on this day they were both silent, I spoke to "Dumb" the following night at another party and he got over excited when I told him that I was from Shropshire, and started jumping around saying that his frient (Dumber) was from Kent! Dumb was from Hertforshire which is surely closer, but still quite far.

Arnie and Anna - an interesting couple consisting of an old American guy who looked like an ex-body builder and a pretty young Brazilian girl. On the third night in Pipa we got invited to a private "open-minded" party of Anna's sister, complete with strippers and poles to dance around (obviously I couldn't resist this). Arnie had a camcorder and was quite keen to get some footage of Maaike and I dancing... I think we escaped.

I'm Gay it's ok - we only met him at the open-minded party, and he came to dance with me saying "I'm gay, it's ok"... I think this is the only English he knew, it's certainly all he said to me. He was definitely gay though, despite him staring at my bum in most of the photos we have. In the absence of Ian, he was a good dance partner (love you Tarqles, don't worry, you will never be replaced).

The Furniture - a very elderly gentleman who seemed to stay in the same spot of the same bar all night, therefore blending very well into his bench.

Norweigen Giant and mini pornstar - two guys from Norway... one immensley tall guy who seemed keen on wearing Jesus Creepers (maybe nothing else fits), and his little friend with an awesome handlebar moustache.

Unfortunately I do not have photos to show all of the the characters, but hopefully using your imagination you can come close to seeing them.

Now you know the characters, it's time for a bit more detail on what I actually did in Pipa! On the first night Maaike and I met back up with Irwan for dinner, and also met two of his friends from there: Marcia and Frank who were really nice. We went to Marcia's bar for a few drinks and had The Hat and The Fly pointed out to us. Irwan also spotted a couple of fresh looking Blonde girls and identified them as potential targets for the boys later on... needless to say, those two girls were talking/being serenaded by The Fly and The Hat by the end of the evening! I drank rather too much for someone who had not slept particularly well the previous nights, and was dancing like a crazy woman in the streets. The Stroke even commented that I can't possibly be English with the way I dance!! Poor Irwan was the victim of an impromptu lapdance. I felt this to be a safer option than selecting a random Brazilian! Unfortunately The Fly and The Hat are aware that Irwan warns girls against them, so there was no way we were going to be targetted that night... at least that's the reason we chose to believe.

After a much-needed lie in, we spent the next day on the beach next to our hostel: Praia Do Amor... which I think is the nicest beach around Pipa. We meant to go for a quick swim, but ended up spending the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon there, this is when I went to the beach and contrary to Repulsion's advice I was without my factor 50! That afternoon we went to a pool party which was organised by some friends of Irwan/Marcia's. It was at a hotel and then were having a BBQ and making a video to promote their place. I think they were in need of some extra beautiful girls, so we went along for the free food and a swim in the pool. This is where we met Arnie and Anna, and received an invite to Anna's sister's party the next night... more on this later. 

The following day we went to Dolphin Beach for... you guessed it... Dolphin spotting! The beach is only accessible at low tide and by walking from a neigbouring beach. There were many boats around departing from the next beach, all full of fat white tourists wearing life vests. I thought the best option would be to save my money and go for a swim instead. I saw a group of 3 dolphins jumping out of the water around 1.5m in front of me, really quite an amazing site. I think I also feature in many of the photos that were taken from the nearby boat! Although it means I have no photos of the dolphins I saw, I got to swim with them and see them really close up which was fantastic.

That night was the night of the party... I had visions of some scarily open-minded things going on from what Anna had said, but compared to some parties I been to this was really rather tame... not a inch of PVC or leather clothing in sight! As I have only horrible backpacker clothes to wear, Marcia invited me to go over to her place to try on some dresses so I could borrow one. This girl likes her clothes short, and she is less than 5ft so I was a little worried I might be mistaken for a hooker. All her dresses were very nice though, and I found one I was comfortable in. As it was one she never wears, she said I could keep it, so now I have a dress to wear when I go out! Maaike, Irwan and I went armed with two bottles of vodka between us (I still can't believe the other two thought one would do), and had a very good night. I did a bit of pole dancing, but I was very good and resisted hanging upside down or climbing up the pole! I danced a lot with I'm Gay It's OK and generally got very drunk. After watching the sunrise and seeing some of the guest wandering around in just their underwear we made a move.

The next morning I woke up still drunk and had breakfast. We walked over to the surfing beach and my hangover very kindly set in just as I was climbing over rocks. For a while I couldn't move, but eventually I got there. Definitely not in the mood for surfing! We slept on the beach and before too long I heard a bzzzzzzzzzzzzz in the distance... here comes The Fly! Maaike was asleep but I had a good chat with him. He's a dopey idiot who doesn't have a mind of his own and agreed with everything I said, so it was quite fun to play with his mind a little! The day was just about setting the bait to teach him a lesson later on... finally the chance had arisen! Call me harsh, but I felt that it was about time someone did. Once we got back I had a nice relax in my hammock before we had a BBQ with everyone from the hostel and I got an early night.

The other days all blend into one and I am aware this is rather a lengthy entry already! The rest of my time in Pipa was taken up by activities such as trying to surf when the waves were not too good, but refusing lessons from The Fly, a bit more Fly swatting (including refusals of amazing sunsets/turtle watching alone with him), trying on a silly hat in the hostel to entertain Maaike, partying in the streets to music screaming from huge speakers in the back of cars, and generally having a great time. I am sad to be leaving Pipa and could stay here for a long time, if only for the people watching! I owe Irwan a huge thank you for persuading me to go there, maybe one day I'll let him teach me to kitesurf as a way of saying thanks.