Owwwwwwwwww...

I know you don't know this already, so I’m gonna lay it out for you: Backpacks SUCK.

I’m in carriage 7 (ought to be carriage 8, but the guards didn’t want the guy in this carriage to be all on his own) of the Guangzhou/Hong Kong express train – THANK GOD. Bloody China. I’m not coming back here until Disneyland opens in Shanghai.

I’ve spent the last five days being stared at and having my picture taken. All. Over. Again. I’ll never criticise another celebrity for attacking a paparazzo. Poor Wang and Yen (Wang is the man, Yen is the female, and different to the previous Yen in tone and more...) brought me out for dinner on Tuesday and Wednesday night (Peking Duck on Wednesday! Hurrah!), and then back to the station on Thursday. There’s nothing like a flustered Chinee, and Wang was all over the place when he couldn’t find where the Hong Kong train arrived, but with my acute eyesight and lifelong training, I was able to spot the worried face of my father amid the masses of Asians at the gate. Hugs were had all round, Wang nearly fell head over heels in his excitement, then we piled into the car and off to Happy Smiling Sheep Mongolian Restaurant (or something to that effect).

I had been informed of the type of meal we were going to have, and am au fait enough with my Chinese cooking styles to be prepared, but my kinfolk had rather a shocked reaction. It was like hotpot, where you throw everything into the bowl of soup in the middle and help yourself. I’ve been boosting my immune system by washing my teeth with tap water, and was thusly able to keep it all down (and quite enjoy it, actually - when the locals weren’t being "Chinese appreciative" and slurping everything up noisily), but certain other westerners just haven’t advanced that far on the food scale. Medal for me.

Back at the hotel, I was moved down eleven floors to an apartment, which was fine, but I forgot my “With Compliments” Ramada Chinese glass ornament thing. :( I now had a lower view of the city, as well as front row seats to the weirdoes at the pool and in the massage centre. It’s their fault for leaving the curtains open when getting their pedicures!

Wang and Yen had taken Friday off to treat us to a day in Guangzhou, so it was up at 7:30 for “Morning Tea”, which was more like “Morning smoky hotpot full of weird fish-flavoured stuff”. With our stomachs full, uncomfortable and confused, we set off for the Chen Family Academy. It seems that there are a lot of families named 'Chen’ around here, and they put together a kitty and built themselves large, ornate, temple-style thing, back in the 1890s. There are fantastic ceramic ornaments all over the roofs – and this isn’t just a few protective dragons and crickets I’m talking about, this is full on family history, guardians, dragons, crickets, races, wars, old men, young kids – everything. There were carvings on all the walls and windows, but the rest of it was quite bare, so they’d set up a little museum and art display (one of which was called “Wonder Rocks” where these funny rocks supposedly looked like something else. But I think you need a Chinese eye to see it...)

After trying a few roast chestnuts (not too bad, really), it was on to some quiet, leafy backstreets, full of old western style buildings. We passed through a hotel which had a large triangular cage full of gorgeous chirping parakeets. I miss Snowy. Somebody please say hello to him for me. :( Some of us were beginning to get sore feet at that stage (I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t me), but – hallelujah – we found a Starbucks and I used my English skillz and Starbucks history to order a large variety of drinks and foods, which were gladly consumed in the soft, clean armchairs underneath the air conditioning. Wang had a little snooze, then it was off to Beijing Lu. For shopping!

Someone managed to break their reading glasses (another hint: I don’t need reading glasses), so our first port of call was at the very end of Beijing Lu to get them fixed. Unfortunately, Fendi isn’t as well known in optical circles in China, and they couldn’t be fixed. BUT. It turns out that glasses are outrageously cheap in China, and a brand new pair was purchased and collected within two hours. I was jealous, so I decided to do the same. Yay for amazing new glasses for under €100! Yen said her Chinese friends abroad all come back to China for Eye and Dental care. I do not blame them. Hello Hungary – new tourist market for you. The blind!

That night we had a cruise on the Pearl River (Wang calls it the “Pee-ool Lee-vah” – I guess he was a pea eater in Ireland and it looks the same, eh?), and their son, Star, joined us. He’s 12, and not too pushed on cruises after a week of boarding school and getting up at 5:40am. We wedged ourselves into the buffet “queue” and had quite a nice meal, before going onto the top deck and admiring the exorbitant use of neon lights that is Guangzhou. I started getting pretty thick then with the blatant photo taking. Only ONE person asked if they could take my photo, so I covered my face and turned around for all the rest. All I’m asking for is a little courtesy, people. I know ye don’t have much, but if you’re going to make me pay triple for everything and try to snatch a piece of my soul too, you’re gonna have to fight for it.

We managed to persuade Wang to let us sleep in today, so he only picked us up at 10am. After a (mostly) western breakfast in the hotel. Phew. We drove along the Pee-ool Lee-vah and admired a concert hall dedicated to the memory of an anti-Japanese composer. Some families were outside, flying kites along the waterfront, which was a lovely scene until you saw the ones squatting with their babies, and large, dark patches of liquid gathering beneath them. We then went east, to the Wang family apartment, which was quite nice, actually, and a little bigger than Ying’s. Yen cooked dinner for us, which was by far the nicest Chinese meal I’ve had since I got here, except for the part where I was forced to drink Pearl River beer. ‘Forced’, since the other option was coconut milk stuff. And some of the food was a little spicy. Special K, I love you and miss you. Always. <3

We collected our bags at the hotel, got stuck in a traffic jam, and made it to the train just in time. Since I booked my ticket separately (and that other man has gone to the toilet) I’m on my own in carriage 7, and my father is making friends up in carriage 3. We’ve just stopped in Dongguan, but I don’t think there’s any reason. OH OH, I see a real soldier! Over there look! ->

(repeat elevator music from the other day)

Hotel. Hong Kong.

Amazing.

I told ya!