"Maw-neen, Geddup, Makebed. Geddup."

You have no choice on this train. The bed lady threatened us with a 5:30 wake up at 9:30 last night, and she wasn't joking. I’ve just started my malaria tablets, and spent most of the night awake, or wishing I was awake due to the vivid nightmares I was having, so I didn’t appreciate it, but I fully believe that she’d have pulled me down out of it if I didn’t get up myself. Jamie had no trousers on and asked for “one minute”.

“No one minute, geddup, makebed. Out, now.”

There was only one bed on the train that she wouldn’t touch, and that was our leader, Andy. At 6:30 she peeked in over the curtain to see if Andy was there and asked meekly “Makebed?”

“uugh. No.”

“Makebed!”

“No makebed. Sleep.”

“Please makebed!”

“7:30 make bed.”

“No no! Chiang Mai 7:20! Makebed!”

“7am, make bed.”

“Okay 7am.”

And that was that.

Then, Donny struck again. Ben had had far too many beers the previous night, but smelling a pushover, Donny kept trying to sell him some more. Fortunately for Ben, our American was desperate for a coffee, which Donny happily trotted off to get. However, when Jamie put down her money, he kept looking at her, so she added a bit more for a tip. Donny wasn't his usual bubbly self, but he vanished with the money, and we were distracted by Andy getting up. She started telling us what money we'd need today and what for, so we started checking that we had enough in available places. This was the moment when it came to light that Jamie had paid 1038 Bhat for her coffee. Which is about €20. Even Ireland isn't that crazy. But Tough!Andy to the rescue! She accosted Donny next time he passed and asked how much for a coffee:

"38 Bhat"
"Then bring her her change."
"Ah yes yes, coming coming!"

And he was back in an instant with her change. I still think she was overcharged, but at least now it was only a few cents. Andy is invincible.

Exhausted, uncomfortable and smelly, we dragged ourselves to the hotel and went to our rooms. I scored the single room this time, but had to share with Jamie and Rhonda until theirs was available. We had a yucky breakfast, took our malaria tablets, climbed into our bus and fell asleep.

Since we only had one day in Chiang Mai, we had unanimously agreed on bamboo rafting as our first activity, with a possibility of a tuk-tuk tour of some temples before our 4pm guided tour. It took over an hour to get there, and I definitely slept better in the bus - with my head against the seat in front of me - than I did in the bed on the stupid train. Bamboo rafting isn’t complicated. We sat on a couple of narrow bamboo rafts, and two little Thai men poled us along the river. It wasn’t white water, but since there are spaces between the bamboos, we were wet before we even started. Then one of the boatmen decided to lash out at imaginary snakes and alligators at unexpected moments, so we got covered in drips. And finally, they played a game called “Titanic”, which I shall leave up to your imagination.

Oh wait, I lied, that wasn’t finally. We passed a tree that had a tyre on a rope hanging from it, and we were so intrigued by it that we decided to stop. Unfortunately none of us had a waterproof camera with us, but the ensuing swinging, jumping and splashing was highly entertaining. And ensured that we were entirely soaked before getting back into the bus. But I’ve always wanted to do that, and it was a perfect jungle moment!

After the snooze on the way back to the hotel we were ravenous, so we ate some crunchy noodles and fried pork, and decided that we were far too tired to bother tuk-tuk-ing to temples. We followed a determined Matt to the Fish Spa/Ticket Office and took some pictures of him getting his toes nibbled by a pile of little fishies. Ben, Rhonda, Jamie and I continued on to a massage parlour (one of many), where most of us treated ourselves to full body Thai Massages, and Jamie and I splurged on an additional foot massage, which came with a free neck and shoulder massage. HEA-VEN. I’m actually beginning to feel the benefit of these things, and they’re much more satisfying and affordable than at home. And Ben had the additional surprise of a ladyboy masseuse. :D

After a mad dash from the massage parlour, we were driven to a Temple that I can’t remember, and can’t google (since I’ve got no internet. Sad face.)(update: it was Doi Suthep, founded in 1383.) Our guide was Nook, who isn’t a racoon from a Nintendo game after all, but a very talkative guide, full of amusing anecdotes - particularly in relation to women and Buddhism, and to ladyboys. It was beautiful and picturesque and I’ve got a lot of it on my camera, but besides the big gold stupa that was under renovation, I’m seriously developing temple-lag. Thai temples are quite different to Chinese or Tibetan temples, but Buddha is generally in one of a limited number of poses, and an unlimited number of sizes. And they’re all ornate and gorgeous, but I’m beginning to forget what the differences are at this stage...

We did get to see the monks chanting and ringing a gong and some bells, which always livens things up. Thais, Laotians and Cambodians are generally a different branch of Buddhism to Chinese, Tibetans and Vietnamese, particularly (for me) in relation to monks. Where I’m used to seeing monks dressed in red with varying amounts of hair, the monks here dress in yellow and are all bald. They are also not allowed to touch women, so I’ve got to stay out of their way and not sit beside them (or indeed, in the same row as them) on the bus or train. I just don’t bother making eye contact with them at all, to save us all the hassle. I get confused when I see monks in brown or grey though. I don’t know who they belong to, or what their rules are, so they all must just think I’m really anti-social. Back in our temple tonight, we got blessed as a group by a monk, and got a little bracelet for good luck. He tied it on the boys, but he just pegged some at us girls, since he couldn’t touch us. Your feet are also the lowest and dirtiest part of your body, and you shouldn’t point them at anyone, particularly a monk, Buddha or the King, so we had to shuffle in on our knees, then try to do the same in reverse to get out. Not easy.

After all the shuffling and photo taking, it was on to the night market for some food. We were all famished, so we ordered far too much each and ended up sharing everything, which worked out much better in the end. Then it was time for shopping. I LOVED this night market. There was haggling and there was “You likey?” but nothing on the scale of bloody China. They even started with reasonable prices here. It was unbelievably sedate and peaceful and enjoyable. The girls discovered my China-acquired haggling talent, and made me get all their purchases for much less than the other unseasoned backpackers. But the vendors were so nice, I nearly felt bad.

What I do feel is extremely tired. So I’m off to sleep. Ta ta!