It was a two hour and thirty minutes flight from Cartagena to Miami. This was followed by an assbackwards three-and-a-half hour, 35 kilometre journey from Miami to Hollywood, Florida. At the Hollywood train station there were no taxi cabs and we weren’t able to access Uber. A lone man came walking from the parking lot. We approached him and asked if he knew where we could hire a cab. He asked where we wanted to go. The next thing you know, we were off to Hollywood with our new Mexican amigo, Barnal, in his big black limousine. During the happy go lucky 15 minute ride, we learned that Barnal had emigrated to the U.S. 24 years ago. We liked Barnal, so we arranged to have him take us to Port Everglades, where we’d climb aboard a ship destined for Europe, in just 15 hours. The following day, he arrived at noon and off we went, joking and laughing about the damnedest things — like how a Mexican and a pair of Canadians might develop a way of preventing the USA from exporting its guns into our two countries.  

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But when we arrived at the port entry, it wasn’t a joke anymore. The gate woman told Barnal to stay where he was, while she went off somewhere. Moments later, a group of plain clothes security men arrived, with monster-sized guns in their holsters. After checking Barnal’s documents they asked if Elenka and I were Mexicans too. I hid my new Mexican accent and meekly said we were from Canada. They demanded to see our passports, then studied them for the longest time, before asking how we knew Barnal. And why we were with him. After about 20 minutes, it was determined we weren’t part of whatever was going on, so we were told another cab would take us to our ship. Before getting into the cab, Elenka tried to explain that we hadn’t paid Barnal. One of them stopped us and said, in no uncertain terms, that that would not be possible. After maybe a half kilometre ride, we climbed out of the cab and in a dumbfounded, nervous titter, gave the driver the $20 that was meant for Barnal.

While Elenka and I escaped detention, God knows where Barnal is. Perhaps a deportation holding area? Or maybe a ship destined for Guantanamo Bay?

When we got to the cruise boat check in, there was a big sign in capital letters that read, NO GUNS ALLOWED

We’re sailing aboard the magnificent, Celebrity Apex. So large is this ship that from our deck 12 suite, the people on the main deck look like ants. 

We’ve just arrived in rainy old Bermuda. I hope we don’t stay too long. Already, I miss the waves that rock our boat.